BUT- usually whenever someone adds a but, there’s always a contingency, so that is fully intended here.
My son’s father and I separated/divorced when he was 2. It was something that we both knew needed to happen if we wanted our miracle to have a chance to survive. So from the time he was born we began discussions around how things would go living separately. We had been dating and living together for sometime and ran off to Vegas and got married, probably bc we had been together for so long, not necessarily bc we both felt we should. Lesson learned.
We both were in different places in our lives on every level, except one. Our son. We never expected to have children, so our miracle literally brought us to our knees. We had ultimate trust between each other when it can to how we wanted to raise our son, and EVERYTHING surrounding him.
My ex was always a “natural” with kids. He was a magnet, a “snow white”, in his own right. I loved watching him interact with my nephews and friends children. He was genuine and kind and right down on their level just being. I always felt bad that he would be robbed of his natural state with not being able to have kids. He never showed it.
So when our son came along, he was obviously shocked and overjoyed. They have always been extremely close, they looked like frick and frack up until recently, he had has his own mini-me. I love their relationship, I love how they gang up on me and have their inside jokes together. It literally warms my heart. It’s precious. It’s not forced, it’s beautiful.
It took tons and tons of communication, years actually, but we walked away from the past of fears and mistrusts, and created a new normal, built on a rock solid foundation of trust. For our child. We literally walked away from all of our “ego” hang ups, and united, separately to successfully raise our child.
I brag not for self boasting, but because I love the fact that we have defied the “norm”. We have done what everyone thinks they are trying to do in divorce, but we actually did, protect our child’s best interest at the sacrifice of our own.
Our son is thriving. Health wise? Emotionally, spiritually, socially, you name it. If you have met him or even just seen him in pictures, you already know what I’m talking about.
I barfed our this blog after receiving a picture from my ex. It was a picture of our son, spread out in the back of his dads Jeep, with the biggest smile on his face. It screams pure joy. Daddy was taking him to his first drive in. I love that I was included in on the first. I appreciate that my ex takes the time to share the moments with me. I reciprocate just as much. Because in the end, it’s about watching our son grow, not us (even though we have grown more than we could ever share).
Amicable divorce is possible. Our son is living proof. And so are we.
Much love and respect.
Xo -e
The Underground Momma 