I have been told that I came out of the womb talking. As a child I would talk to anyone and everything. I was given the nickname “LW, or last word” by my father at a young age.
I have clear memories of stomping up the stairs arguing with either one or both of my parents and literally as I beat down on my finally step, I would shout down one last comment to shut down the argument. Even with my new found name, it took me a long time to realize that LW, wasn’t such a great thing.
I share this as background for understanding my personal need to “talk”. Anytime I have faced a personal crisis, I have ALWAYS needed to process it through talking. My mom suggested to me from an early age to start a journal, or a prayer journal or something that gave me this outlet. I have bought more beautiful and ornate journals with every intent to write it all out, but never had the strong draw to continue it. So as of 2019, I probably have a dozen expensive and almost empty journals. I have never thrown them out bc of the 2-3 pages in each of them. I know, it’s ridiculous.
It wasn’t until 6/13/19 that I finally found my new way of journaling and purging. Enter my new alias, and blog, the underground momma. I am writing this entry after an overwhelming amount of support and feedback from people who have indulged me by reading.
I keep going back to this feeling I have had over and over again. I feel FREE. I feel like this blog has given me the outlet that I need to release what has been brewing in my head for 45 years. I have never been ashamed of my decisions, I just never felt the need to advertise them. With the new normal I have been forced to create, I decided that I can no longer be silent about who I am, what I truly believe, and how I think.
It’s mind blowing to me at what an insanely large network I have. Numerous professional contacts, layers of friends in different aspects of life, family and friends of family. There have only been a few to know the real me, but now I NEED everyone to know the real me. I will never be the same after 6/13/19, and I have never been more at peace and excited for that exact reason.
I feel like I have come out of my own kind of closet. The door to my world was opened under force, and that’s ok. It’s open now, and I am free.
Much love and respect.
Xo -e
The Underground Momma 