My parents have engrained this saying into my head for as long as I can remember. “If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.” I have always said that I believe in those words, but can recall numerous times I have failed to follow through with those words. I can remember thinking those words when trying to “rescue” wild animals, secretly hoping that the love I provided would be enough for them to come back to me as if we were in the cartoon Snow White. Well, I grew up and realized how important these words are when it comes to people.
I have a male friend that I have been extremely close to for 25 years. He and I met randomly on a vacation in Hilton Head when we were 16. We both lived in different areas in NY, and after our random encounter in Hilton Head, we never crossed paths again until A few years later when in college, we ran into each other at a bar, while I was visiting friends. Such a random encounter, which sparked the friendship that had been started and stopped equally as fast. We were both dating other people at the time and frankly were more platonic in our bond than anything else. We spent the next 20 years talking through our relationships, marriages, divorces, careers, families, everything. He was a male version of my bestie. He would be my “girlfriend” when it came to areas he was unfamiliar with. He coached me, he always held me accountable to my behaviors, and even when I disagreed with his views, I ALWAYS treasured them and him. He loved me as a person, not an object. He honored me through honest words and solace from the storms of life. We had an innate trust that was built on friendship and honor. I have true agape love for this man. We have a friendship that has waxed and certainly waned throughout the years, yet we have always maintained honor, respect and love for each other and each other’s individual lives. I never hid him from anyone I dated/married. I have always spoken openly of our friendship because I have nothing to hide from anyone regarding our relationship. He was not as forthright with his relationships and recently it came back to haunt me.
I reached out to my bestie buddy earlier this month to wish him a Happy Birthday. Usually when I text him or he texts me, we are both immediate to respond. This time was different. He didn’t respond. A few days passed and he still hadn’t responded. He happens to be a Trooper in another state, so when a large amount of time passes, I start to panic that maybe something happened to him and I just haven’t found out yet. All the fear and insecurities set in. Well, he finally did reach out. He didn’t mention a thing about his birthday, but he mentioned that he had met someone. Someone he believes is “the one”. I have heard this many times before, but usually we have numerous discussions about it and move on from there. Not this time. He continued on to say that he needs to tie up loose ends so he can move on with his life. I replied that I wasn’t sure what that meant. He explained that I was his loose end. This was all through text, so I chose not to react with anything other than this response. “I have never had an opportunity to truly say this to someone and truly mean it. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours, if it doesn’t it never was. I love you enough to set you free. If I am holding you back from being truly free, then go in peace, knowing I love and support your decisions unconditionally.” I could tell by his reply that my response was not satisfactory, but it’s the truth. My friendship with him was and always will be based on agape love. Agape love is not of sexual nature, it is pure, it is selfless, it is the sacrificial love that voluntarily suffers inconvenience and discomfort for the benefit of another without receiving or expecting anything in return.
I closed my text to him knowing that I most likely will never hear from my dear friend again. I am at peace in believing in the power of agape love and respecting him enough to set him free. I will always be ready to welcome my friend back with opens arms if he returns. I feel lucky to have grown as a person because of his presence in my life. Freedom is freedom.
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”- Dr. Seuss
I will forever smile.
So much love and respect.
Xo-e
The Underground Momma 