The Underground Momma

Oh you know It! The above quote is from the song “Happy” by Pharrell. I have loved this song from the second it came out until now. Yes, it has been used in almost every situation, it’s been overplayed, yet me still lovey. It has clapping! I don’t know how anyone could be sad when a song has clapping in it! I chose this title because over the past week I have been reminded by strangers and close friends alike about how happy I am.

They are absolutely right. I am happy. I am content. I have everything I could possibly need. Even during a point in my life where I have had the proverbial rug pulled out from underneath me. The idea that my perfectly healthy child is somehow a threat to the people that are already “protected” through vaccination will ALWAYS boggle my brain. It will never make sense to me. At the end of the day, what boggles my mind isn’t the reality for others and in result, my child is banned from his right to public education. It may not sound severe to others, as everything is relative, but it has literally flipped my whole world upside down. Walking away from six figures may seem daunting or dumb to some, but I have never felt more peace with mentally prepping for my looming physical exit from my lifelong career. I don’t know what I am going to do yet, but I am completely at peace knowing that it will be using my voice and personal truth’s for always speaking the TRUTH. I am at complete peace with the idea and journey ahead of homeschooling. Even if the tyrannical law is adjudicated, I’m not sure we will even send our son to public school. It seems almost too good to be true. I don’t trust that the elected officials have my child’s best interest at heart in ANY form or fashion, so I am not eager to jump back at something I don’t trust they will take away again in an instant. The only reason I have rejected homeschooling in the past, is because I was ignorant to it, and thus feared and ultimately rejected it. Not anymore!! What a privilege it will be to literally walk side by side with my only biological child through his education. I’m super excited to begin his own school and truly hope to start an “underground school” or Co-op as they are called in Homeschooling.

I am happy because I no longer fear. I no longer fear being myself in a relationship. Friends or lovers. In result, I have the most incredible partner in life. He is the best man I have ever known, he meets every selfish need I had and provides some I didn’t even know I had. He is my partner and equal and honors me as such. I AM HAPPY. My personal and inner circle friendships have become stronger and tighter. I have re-connected with my girls of over 20 years. Those friendships that had once faded are now more clear and present than what I once considered my “besties”. I AM HAPPY. I have a child that is healthy, happy, smart and THRIVING. I AM HAPPY. I have an incredibly massive network, that I have been so graciously welcomed into and tapped into a million times, for myself and others. I AM HAPPY. I have finally found inner peace and self love. I have finally come to a point where I am perfectly ok with who I am, what I believe and what my purpose is. I AM HAPPY.

When strangers and friends act as a mirror to me by telling me how happy I am, how friendly I am, how they want to be in my energy to snag some of my happiness, I GROW. That is the highest compliment someone could give me. I don’t need their approval, but when I can physically see and feel someone’s energy shift just because I am being myself, THAT IS THE RISE!!! Thank you for being you. You are imperfectly perfect, and that is enough. ALWAYS.

“not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path”

All boats rise with the tide, so RISE!!

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

So, even with the mountains that have grown in my path, with no fear, I am HAPPY.

Rumi has so many amazing quotes. Such a visionary into self love. I can across this quote and immediately thought, PERFECT blog title!! I know that my own life has had massive descents, and some massive rises. It has not been until of recent years that my rise has finally overtaken my descents. I expect I will always have some descents, I am human and have a stubborn Irish free will. What I now know is that I will ALWAYS RISE.

I have the privilege of being a sounding board for a couple of my close girlfriends. As in life, marriage, families, I have listened to personal descents that physically and emotionally disable the women that I love and revere. When speaking about marriages and husbands. The wrongs they have caused, the emotional pains of betrayal and trust, insecurities abound, projection, disrespect and an overall lack of honor, all cause my ego to immediately jump to defend my girls. Protect their egos, tell them what an awful guy he is for wronging them, all the usual immediate and empathetic reactions.

Since finding my own truths in life, I have made a point of never jumping on the husband/spouse bashing bandwagon. Why? Well, I certainly have my history of sins and demons, I know that my selfish insecurities have attributes to emotional torture of guys I have been in relationships with, net net, it’s always a two way street.

Every relationship commands truth and honesty. People always say, “just tell me the truth” We ask “does this make me look fat?”, “how do I look?”, “I want your honest opinion”. All of these are pretty loaded questions. Do we really want the truth or do we really want the other person to enable our insecurities that we are seeking approval from someone else to begin with? When you have self approval, your questions are no longer loaded! You seek answers from others because you want their perspective, NOT their approval. HUGE difference.

When I listen to my girls share their descents, all I do in response is remind them how to RISE. It’s not my job to jump on the bashing bandwagon. It’s my job as their friend to remind them of the incredible soul that they are and have just forgotten. I remind them that there is no human on this planet that can give them answers to the questions they seek other than themselves. It NEVER matters what everyone else does, or how they do it. No one walks your journey. My job is not to judge or condemn, its to be there to remind you of who YOU, they, we are. Be a mirror to someone, remind them of all the beauty, strength and power they possess, within themselves. TIME TO RISE!!

“We can not become what we want by remaining what we are.” – max depree

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

Have you ever heard that quote, or a version similar? It’s usually said in reference to someone being brought up with money. Where did that saying come from though??

Welcome to the insanely beneficial world of the very noble, Silver or Ag. It is the known to have the highest thermal and electrical conductivity of all metals. It’s is harder than gold. And also possesses natural anti-viral, bacterial and fungal properties. Medically it is recognized as the topical treatment for burns on the body because of its natural properties in defending the body from bacteria growing on the burned skin, so the body is able to heal. It’s synergistic. It’s amazing.

I have a personal testimony for the benefits of silver. I am sure there are people who will read this and say, oh right, silver turns you into a blue man. The one man show that made social media rounds many times who turned blue from drinking excessive amounts of ionic silver not colloidal silver. The truth surrounding that whole story is a complete blog entry of its own, so instead, I encourage you to research the non-sensationalized version of blue mans story.

When my son was 2-3 years old, he developed these disgusting little water pimples all over the back of his legs and arms. They looked like pimples, but were clear like a blister. We took him to the Dermatologist and were told that he had Molloscum contagiosum. Ummmm what? That sounds gross and contagious alone. Well it is. It’s a viral wart that is commonly found amongst children (here we go again with commonly found amongst children) and is easily spread through contact. I was grossed out and even embarrassed that my kid had warts all over his chunky little appendages. I asked what the treatment was and was informed that we could freeze them off, or use a retinoid. Ummmmm, no thank you. I am not putting my child through having liquid nitrogen dabbed all over his sensitive skin, and there is NO WAY I am rubbing a potent dose of vitamin A on and in my toddlers skin. So I thanked him and we went on our warty little way.

I told my mom about the gross bumps and she said that she had recently read something in Mercola about colloidal silver soap. She suggested trying it as it certainly couldn’t hurt, so I immediately jumped on Amazon and ordered up a bar of colloidal silver soap. I actually ordered the extra strength version with the mindset that the more silver to kill the virus the better. Well, I don’t think it was the extra strength, but I have never been more sure that the colloidal silver soap I bathed my child in was the cure to his Molloscum contagiosum in a week. His chunky, soft and pure little skin was free from any sign of a wart ever existing on his body. To this day he bathes with colloidal silver soap based in coconut oil. His skin is soft and healthy and remains clear of any unwanted visitors.

I have told so many of my Dermatologists about this success that I have had with colloidal silver soap. Some have laughed And metaphorically patted me on the head and said “well, I’m sure that is a one time thing, and probably not the silver.” But more have instead told their patients about it and then reported back to me how it worked! Imagine that! Silver still works even though they were never taught in med school that it’s used outside of burns!

During the 1800’s when disease was rampant, there was no running water, proper sanitation or refrigeration, the wealthier people are from silver utensils, plates and cups. They realized that silver prevented them from getting sick from the inevitable bacteria ruling the food they ate. So, now a days when you hear someone refer to being born with a silver spoon in their mouth, you’ll know why!

https://challengelifebetter.com/colloidal-silver-soap/

The link above is an awesome resource for the uses of colloidal silver soap.

So much love and respect.

Xo -e

I cut google and chrome out of my life forever!Erased from my phone and personal computers. I am not down with censorship. Sorry, I’m not sorry. Google, Facebook, Amazon, Vimeo, Instagram, and I’m sure others I don’t even know about have all instituted censorship. This isn’t about vaccines people. This is about power and control. This is about people deciding what you should and should not see. Last time I checked we lived in the USA, not North Korea. We don’t censor here, or least that’s what we advertise. The good old “do as I say, not as I do” saying. You can have all the freedom you want if you are looking for what we want you to look for. It’s not necessary for you to see the other side of the story because it’s junk science, or conspiracy theories that corrupt our country.

I burst out laughing at that last one. Junk science and conspiracy theories are what is corrupting our country?!? That is hilariously ridiculous!! We all see the corruption on some and probably many levels. Some people have taken such a deep dive into the corruption, I truly think people would implode if they were told the darkness within our country. The level of greed is to the core and we all know it. The general consensus is that we have a Congress that has deemed themselves superior, armed forces stronger and better than any nation, yet when they are done with their duties they are completely neglected by the same country they serve. The VA is a joke. Our Vets are suffering at the hands of greed. I could go on and on because the list of examples is endless.

I don’t want to soap box. It’s just overwhelming to comprehend the widespread casualties of the blatant greed. So this is where I can and will draw my line in the sand. I will not support anything that blocks people from accessing the full story, wether it turns out to be the truth or not. Amazon too has let me down as I LOVE PRIME. But I can just as easily get in my car and drive to get my instant gratification that amazon grants me. So Amazon, batter up.

“If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may me led, like sheep to the slaughter.” -George Wahington

Our forefathers truly had some insight to the destruction we are actually seeing. When is it going to be enough for us all to unite and say no more?

Oh and before I forget to honor my new search engine- the title of this post- duck duck go. I encourage you to do the same searches on google and duck duck go and see what you find out for yourself!

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

We can all apply this to so many different areas in our lives. Wether it is quitting a bad habit that doesn’t honor or serve you, being bullied by someone, abusive relationships, or staying in a job that is making you sick. It is such a simple statement yet is also the biggest obstacle for so many of us. I used those specific examples because every single one, is an example from my life.

I have “allowed” fear, ignorance and a lack of self-confidence/love to dictate my life’s outcomes for almost 40 years. I have allowed both men and women to bully me because I didn’t have the self confidence to stand them down. I have lived through emotional and psychological abuse in relationships, I have seen and lived through MANY dark decisions that I have chosen to make that NEVER served me, and I have been in a job that was literally making me sick from the stress. I have failed so many times, at so many things that I have turned to my darkest thoughts, and have felt like I wasn’t worthy of redemption.

Yet, here I am. I have literally stepped in poop a million times, yet I always seem to walk away smelling like a rose. I don’t say this to boast, I say this as the blog title is spot on. What we allow is what will continue. If we continually allow ourselves to blindly follow the consensus, what we allow breaks down to Einstein’s definition of insanity. Repeating the same behaviors while trying to get a different outcome.

Allowing the same behaviors to obtain a different outcome. Semantics right? It all boils down to one thing. STOP ALLOWING INSANE BEHAVIOR TO DRIVE CHANGE. It will never work, it has never worked. We all know this as it has been proven time and time again. In our personal lives, in the world, in our country, it never works. But yet here we are. Repeating history as if it worked the first time around. Segregation, Discrimination, Scapegoats, hate speech, self-righteousness that one is above the other bc of consensus.

Anyone on social media knows the vile and disgusting images and words that people feel so free to disseminate. Ignorance, fear and hatred have become normal to us. Honor, respect and love have become an afterthought or an apology. WHY? WHY? WHY?

At the end of the day, what works is honor. Everyone feels entitled to it, yet refuse to practice it. It’s a simple as calling someone by their name, remembering their name. I know that when I have met someone only once, and the next time I see them, they call me E, or Erin, I recognize it and it ALWAYS makes me internally react. Wow! They remembered my name! My Da has always done this with people, to the point that we tease him about saying someone’s name repeatedly. When he is greeted by a server at a restaurant, or a stranger on the street, he always calls them by their name at least 3 times. It seems redundant, yet the reception by people is always of gratitude. Something as simple as remembering someone’s name, is giving honor. When we are able to take such a simple idea, and grow it into as many levels of life as we can, we all grow. We reverse the norm of cynicism, fear and anger. It actually feels GOOD. Our bodies actually respond by releasing neurotransmitters to enhance that good feeling. What a gift, and we all love feel good gifts.

This world has an overabundance of cynicism, anger, fear, negativity, judgement, and apathy. Why not try to counterbalance these oppressive behaviors by starting with you. It’s not an obstacle to speak respectfully, its not an obstacle to remember someone’s name. I think people would be pleasantly surprised by the reception. Stop fearing the idea of going against the grain by practicing honor. None of us are above each other, at the end of the day, when we are all stripped of our physical assets, what is left? Who are you when you are left with just your soul? Will you have enough honor to survive yourself? When you give honor, you gain honor. Like a boomerang, when you are able to honor others, you allow others to honor you back.

Honor does not mean agree. It means that you recognize that it is not your place to condemn, it means that you recognize at the end of the day, you are as vulnerable as the rest of us all, and that is perfectly ok.

Sophocles said it right. ” I would prefer even to fail with honor, that win by cheating.” I will stumble and fall repeatedly with honor, before I ever succumb to creating casualties to win. Join me, let’s defy the norm, start with remembering someone’s name today, honor someone who you think feels they are not honored. Be the change for them, just for a moment. It only takes a spark to start a fire. Be the spark, be the change. I know I will never relent in my pursuit.

so much love and respect.

xo-e

OK. Let’s have a chat about good old Al. Or as we know it, Aluminum. The same aluminum that all those conspiracy theorists make protective hats out of, the same Al we cover our pans and dishes with, the same Al, that is found in vaccines as an adjuvant. All sound pretty harmless alone, I know. Here is where Al, gets nasty however.

Aluminum, when injected or absorbed into our bodies, is a known NEUROTOXIN. Aluminum has been proven to be linked with Alzheimer’s disease, breast cancer, and neurological impairment. We have been patronized by our “rulers” to believe that even though we acknowledge the detrimental effects of Aluminum, there are only “trace” amounts found in so many various products that we use EVERYDAY, so just calm down, it’s only a little neurotoxin we’re adding. So let’s break that down. How little is just a little neurotoxin??

Fluoride is already in our drinking water, it’s in your toothpaste, it’s in your children’s toothpastes, so just know, it is helping to absorb the aluminum (the vaccine adjuvant) into your body, so the vaccine can actually work.

Because we are forcing the body into immunity, vaccines require adjuvants. These adjuvants are aluminum, thimerosal, and work to help the body maintain the forced immunity. The problem is, since the body is not acquiring natural immunity, which is forever protection, vaccines require boosters to be able to “continue” to work. What happens when someone can no longer tolerate the heavy metal build up?? Well, would Alzheimer’s please stand up? Would autoimmune diseases please stand up?

Regardless of wether the idea of heavy metal build up occurring in your body is of concern to you or not, it is of VAST concern to millions of others. This doesn’t deter the vaccine agenda, it grants freedom of choice. It grants us the right to informed consent to decide for OURSELVES, on what to allow into our bodies.

Shouldn’t “our bodies, our choice” apply to EVERY SINGLE HUMAN? Please do not fear this information. Embrace it and then choose. Choose to share your new knowledge. Choose to become more informed. There is NO ONE on this planet who has the right to decide what you allow into your body, EVER. Food, drugs, it doesn’t matter, your body is YOURS ALONE. Own it before it’s too late.

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

Calm down M&D, I promised I wouldn’t swear in my blog, even in acronyms. This WTF stands for; What’s the FACT?

I have lived and breathed the world of Pharma for the past 18 years. I know the drive behind the sale, I know how clinical trials are conducted and then disseminated, I know about insurance companies, I know about pharmacies, and I certainly know providers. There is even a saying in Pharma that MD actually stands for “my decision” because at the end of the day, the provider (MD, DO, NP, PA) has the final say in how and where the drug will be used, even when a drug has not been approved for use in a certain disease state. I’m not revealing any secrets, it’s a common practice that even though drugs are not indicated per the FDA, providers use them wherever they are appropriately used. There have been so many drugs developed because they were a side effect from another medication. A good example would be The eye lash growth serum (it’s rhymes with Matisse)*. I remember when it launched it was so exciting in the cosmetic Derm world because women could grow their eyelashes pretty dramatically by swiping a serum on their eyelids every day. I am a huge fan of lashes and this was pre extensions, and was offered on numerous occasions, samples to try to grow some wham bam lashes myself. I never partook because of the small, yet negative possibility of permanent eye discoloration, possible blindness, and a few more milder possibilities. I know so many women who swear by it, and I have met so many women who have eye discoloration. I have always loved the color blue that my eyes are, so I never wanted to risk changing them. I also was never totally comfortable with using a medication that was derived from an adverse event from a glaucoma medication. It has its positives, yet still has its risks. Hello informed consent!

In Dermatology, Bobo is almost as normal as a skin check. I refer to it as bobo but it’s actually the most popular injectable for wrinkles. It is used for excessive sweating and migraines. It’s derived from botulism. It paralyzes the muscles. Again, so many positives, yet still comes with risk. My partner at work was absolutely shocked to find out that I have never done bobo. He told me that I am the only female in Derm that he knows who has never tried. I wasn’t really sure how to process that, but I always felt like I would be the one small chance of getting botulism all together. Call it irrational, or call it intuition, just make sure to recognize that it’s my choice based on informed consent. So here I stand, apparently the only female in the Derm world, standing strong against injecting my face with bobo. (I am not against bobo. Just not for myself)

When I started absorbing as much information that I could on the history of vaccines I came across so much simple information that isn’t conspiracy, it’s not even hidden from sight, it’s just facts for us to be aware of. I plan on citing everything, so you may research the facts as well, I actually ask that you do! These are just some basics. Maybe it’s common knowledge, and maybe not. Either way they are worth knowing about.

“The most dangerous thing you can do is educate people. Because when people become educated, you cannot control them, you cannot frighten them. People who are educated know their own powers and don’t just surrender to others.” – Jordan Maxwell

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

Through my tenure in Pharma, I have met some absolutely incredible providers, and some that left us reps scratching our heads as to how they became a doctor. The ego’s, the power struggles, the cat and mouse dance, the friendship’s, the history, it’s pretty incredible and dynamically layered when I think about it. I have worked in so many different disease states that I have contacts in a rainbow of specialties. I am a firm believer in never burning bridges, and I have created some amazing friendships with physicians that have lasted throughout many years.

The reason I bring this up, is that today I dropped by to see my all time favorite physician. I have known him for 20 years, and I can honestly tell you, he is hands down the SMARTEST person I have ever met. He has a photographic memory. It is the absolute coolest thing I have ever witnessed. The man can recite specific sentences from random studies that are 20 years old, verbatim. He remembers EVERYTHING. He is the perfect blend of what you would seek in a physician. He is kind, he is smart, he is informative, he is personal, and he empowers. I was introduced to two of his patients in the waiting room (that he personally greeted and escorted back to a room). One woman was 99, and the other was 87. They both volunteered how he was the reason they were so spry at their ages! I was tickled to watch the dynamic of trust and respect between them.

I had never revealed to ANY of my providers my stance or decision on not vaccinating our son. Today I broke that, as I can’t hide my truth from someone I have the utmost respect for and have also grown to have an amazing friendship with him and his wife. I had not planned on telling him, mainly because I was scared to have him disappointed in me or scold me or whatever other fear based nonsense I could come up with.

Since I have no fear regarding our decision, I decided I couldn’t have fear with him. So I told him. I told him a cliff notes version and braces for impact. He was almost father like in how tender and empathetic he was to my story. He praised me, he reassured me at how incredibly smart he thinks I am, and proceeded to tell me that he will support me in any way I need. The best part is, I genuinely believe him. He will. He is not afraid to stand up against what he took an oath to do. I am forever grateful to know him.

It also happens that he is the brother in law to a political figure that may be helpful. He immediately offered to reach out and be of assistance any way he can. Prayers up for those connections if and when needed.

Every day, I make the choice to speak my truth. I probably never would have come forth on my own, so as horrendous as the situation has developed into, I am forever grateful to not fear. I know I will always have adversaries. I know I will continue to face hate speech and blatant discrimination, I just know that it will never stop me or change me to become like that.

My Irish roots are bleeding through in songs in my head. All I keep hearing are the glorious words from the Wild Rover. “and it’s no, nay, never, no, nay, never, no more….” One of my favorite “sing songs”, and now one of my favorite mantras to never going backwards, always forwards.

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

I can’t even begin to describe the insane, ignorant, fear based, hate and discriminatory speech that so many people have developed around vaccines. It blows my mind at how SO MANY, MANY people have turned to their darkest side to defend people and issues that give ZERO craps about them or their best interest let alone health or welfare. I have watched as physicians who believe and practice “informed consent” get repeated death threats. I have witnessed parents whom already have PROVEN (VAERS) vaccine damaged children literally be shunned and shushed by political figures. I have personally experienced discrimination against my choices and my child for not vaccinating. I could care less about what anyone’s personal opinion is of our decision. I will never, ever try and relate to the continued fear and ignorance based discrimination that others face, but I can for the first time tell you how incredibly awful it feels to have my own government treat me as the enemy. I do not know one person that trusts our government, yet still follows them willingly. WHY PEOPLE?!?!

Do not get me wrong. I am not suggesting anarchy, or overthrowing the reign of our elected representatives, I am suggesting that NO ONE should be ok with the fact that this is where we have come to as a country. I am suggesting that everyone who has a problem with the fact that corruption is rampant, following orders on MANDATING someone to take a medical procedure of any kind is WRONG. Stripping people of their constitutional rights is WRONG. Tolerating the idea the the same government who classifies vaccines as “unavoidably unsafe”, created and acknowledges vaccine damages through VAERS, yet then turns around and FORCES people against their will, is WRONG.

I get it. I know that this medical tyranny doesn’t impact people on a close enough level. What I want to know, is what exactly is it going to take for people to stop, look, and listen. This is madness. I wanted to share a post from Dr. Bob Sears. He is a well known Pediatrician, was on the show The Dr.’s, and has always been pro informed consent. This is the madness that people who defend and preserve our medical freedom of choice are facing.

I think it’s is beyond time we ALL ask ourselves what kind of person we are. I know who I am and who I will continue to grow to become. I have said it in a prior post. I just will NOT be apathetic. I Just will NOT stand by and watch. I just will NOT allow history to repeat itself over and over and over again, yet getting worse every time.

PLEASE join me. Do not fear what we are being censored from. Learn it and then teach it. Empower and educate each other. We the humans, that are created to be social together are the true power and solution.

Always remember “A single bee is ignored, but when millions come together, even the bravest run in fear”.

So much love and respect.

Xo-e

Once again, I find myself thinking back to a conversation with my brother. We were talking about the changes we both recognize that we have had happen. He referred to it as “ego death”. He said that our cousin had referred to the shedding of past fears or insecurities as the death of ego.

This was immediately cemented in my brain. I LOVE THIS. Here’s why.

My parents invested in some land many years ago. It was to be something that is passed down through us and our kids to follow. It’s heaven on earth, we refer to it as “the ranch”. Outside of Ireland, it is my favorite place on earth. Beauty, peace, and love everywhere.

5 years ago, over the 4th of July vacation, I began my own “ego death”. It began at a massive family reunion our at the ranch. I had been looking forward to reuniting with all of my maternal cousins and their kids. We spent so much time together growing up that the memories flooded me with excitement and love.

The reunion at the ranch came and went. My cousins were as incredible as they always were, everything with the weekend went perfectly, yet I had NEVER felt more alone, lonely, insecure, sorry for myself, you name it, I felt it. I felt it viscerally. I attempted to try and verbally share these overwhelming feelings with my parents, siblings and close friends. They were amazing at listening and offering solace, yet I received none. I wailed in personal pain whenever I was alone in the car or home. I repeatedly prayed that god would take these horrendous feelings away, but I knew that this wasn’t god’s doing, it was my own free will that had brought me here. I had to own my “stinkin thinkin”. Being that I always strive for balance, I knew I couldn’t stay in the crap mindset I had found myself suddenly trapped in. At that point, I had no idea that these personal pains were actually all part of my metamorphosis.

It was after that weekend, that I knew I was changing but didn’t feel like I was in control of it. I became so aware of myself, how I responded to my son, how I interacted with my friends, the way I conducted myself professionally, and what I truly want for the second half of my life. It was that weekend that sparked me to spark the fire to create separate living spaces for my ex and I. It was after that weekend, that the death of my ego began. I started re-evaluating how I chose to respond to situations, and how I would become proactive to avoid repeating history. I started to find my own self love, which at the time was disguised in self doubt. It has been almost 4 years since that epic weekend, and the more my ego dies, the more I grow. I don’t know that I will ever completely kill my ego off, but I love the shedding it has afforded me thus far, so I plan on continuing to walk the line.

I have reveled in watching so many of my girlfriend’s begin and journey on through their own metamorphosis’s. There is no greater joy in life that watching people grow, I grow right along with them. Here we go again with my favorite saying that I may or may not have made up, all boats rise with the tide. RISE PEOPLE!!!

so much love and respect.

xo-e

Since my withdrawl from Facebook, I have found myself with an ENORMOUS amount of free time. I am both ashamed and proud to admit this, as I am free now, but realize what a true slave I was to FB. This post is not to pontificate about the slavery to social media, but rather to speak to the freedom I have found without it.

I have always been fascinated by documentaries of every level. My world of knowledge has grown immensely over the past month, as I have completely absorbed myself into learning mode. I have taken all of my old FB dedicated time and redirected it to knowledge and truth. I chose to expose myself into a world I never even knew existed, and could not be more grateful. One of the recent documentaries that has really stuck with me, is called “Renegade. The life story of David Icke.”

I had only heard of David Icke, and it was never in a positive sense. He has been cast as a Conspiracy Theorist, and has been rejected my most for the majority of his life. He has had death threats against him and his family, speaking engagements canceled out of fear, and publicly humiliated for never yielding on his/the truth. I can say that the majority of people I know, all have this curious sense to hear what the conspiracy theorists are drumming up, so they can scoff or giggle it away as nonsense. I can also admit that I was too, one of those people for a while in my life. Here is the thing. This man literally has EVERYTHING to lose, including his own life, and NOTHING to gain by standing unwavering in speaking his truth. He doesn’t make money off of tricking people into thinking they are getting anything. He never once personally benefits from someone listening and learning the messages he speaks of. l say personally because when the truth is shared, we ALL benefit.

He doesn’t speak of 9/11, or the moon landing, or vaccines. He speaks of the system that is clearly set up before us and how it is colluding the actual truth. I cannot recommend this movie enough. Do not fear conspiracy theorists, challenge them by taking their data and research it for yourself. That is the purest form of learning the truth and everyone has the ability to choose to do so. There is a reason they have been deemed outcasts, they have something that someone doesn’t want us to hear. How many incredible leaders in history have been silenced in some form? JFK, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, murdered, silenced. Question why you are blocked from knowing.

“I do not advise you what you should believe or not beleive. But I do advise you that we all need to learn as much as we can, about everything we can, because one thing I have learned in my life, is that most of what we have been taught has been a lie.” (William Cooper, Behold a Pale Horse)

I feel like this should be my new mantra. I could not agree with Cooper’s word more. This is me, this is who I am. This is what I believe and support. There is no greater freedom than the truth.

so much love and respect.

xo-e

Buckle up people, I’m gonna purge here. This will probably be one of my longer posts, because my brain is about to burst!

Today, I went and met with my local Assemblywoman about solutions and potential options for the 26000+kids in NYS whom have been discriminated against with the new religious exemption law. I was unable to control my emotions in the sense that when telling my story, describing my faith and our decisions as to why we didn’t vaccinate our child, I sobbed. I am an ugly cryer to begin with, there is no hiding the blatant evidence that tears leave on my face, so thats always a fun twist in these moments. I sobbed because my heart aches at how this can even happen in our “free” society. My heart aches for the families and children that cannot even obtain a valid medical exemption because of LIES. I have written about my cousin’s friend, who was forced into having her son anesthetized to receive the very vaccines that have already damaged him to receive his support services. She is just one of THOUSANDS of families whom have children with IEP’s that depend on support services, you know the same services that are funded through our school tax dollars. The same tax dollars we are forced to pay, but are also now completely blocked from ever being able to use. Families will either have to forcibly inject their children against their will, or pay for all support services out of their own pocket. Those support services run tens of thousands of dollars a year. HOW IS THIS OK ON ANY LEVEL??? How is this FREEDOM?

Back to my meeting. As I have mentioned, I am not a big fan of politics or politicians in general. They are too extreme in the party system, and I have never identified with either alone. I was brought to school on how politics work very quickly into our meeting. I was immediately informed that the Assemblywoman is a Republican, and a “Freshman”, and how the Republicans are not in power in NYS. My instant reaction was of rejection and annoyance that this goes back to that type of garbage, but reality says that is exactly what happens. So, I kicked in my EI, and calmed my mind. I continued to listen to the disturbing laws that were passed in the last “session”, how Cuomo is the only Governor, EVER, to possess the power and control that he does, and ultimately how the exemption was not going to pass AT ALL, until a “freshman” Legislator was literally called aside by a Senior Legislator, immediately before the final count to allow the exemption to remain, and changed his vote to ultimately give power to removing the exemption. This was witnessed by everyone in the room on that day, and condoned as if its perfectly ok to watch this happen.

The feelings of disgust were mutual between us, yet I felt hope. I felt hope within myself and hope for all of us. I know that the Politicians will not be the solution, WE will. I know that on June 13, 2019, my life changed forever. I know that I can not and will not EVER be able to un-know, what I now know. The blatant truth being hidden in lies, the corruption within our government that even our government sees and disagrees with, I know that regardless of who tries to strip me of my faith and my freedom, that my feet are concrete in my foundation with God, and NO ONE can break that. So, with my ever strong faith, my new found and renewed hope, and the true love that I have for honoring my fellow humans, who don’t have a voice, and even those who do, but choose not to use theirs, I will continue to share my journey, and educate and empower anyone who wants to learn.

I left my meeting with a close of asking them to use me as a representative of how and who has been damaged by this law passing. I asked them to use me a public voice to provide families that will not succumb to the insane riticule and pressure from the Government support for homeschooling services for thier children. I asked to present my story as well as others to the Edcuation comittee this August. I will no longer ever be able to sit quietly and be apathetic. My child has been directly impacted and it doesnt even come close to other children’s consequences.

I will no longer be reactive. Been there and done that. It has never worked. So I am now PROactive. I am PRO informed consent. I am PRO freedom of religion, I am PRO educating and empowering people, I am PRO truth. I am PRO human kind.

So many people have reached out with their support. Some of have changed their stance on forced vaccination, some have stood strong, yet still were empathetic to my story. SO many people have asked what they can do. So here is my answer. EDUCATE and EMPOWER. No one wants to have anything shoved down their throats or screamed in their face. You can help by just listening, you can help by learning one thing about the history of vaccinations, you can help by asking a question, you can help every time to share your knowledge with someone else. It does’nt have to be forced, but there will be numerous times that the conversation arises, and when it does, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, speak THE truth.

I have this framed quote above my bed, “Three things last forever. FAITH. HOPE. LOVE. and the greatest of all things is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

So, so, so much love and respect.

xo-e

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hope you can hear my screaming in this post. I cannot even begin to stomach how our Government has literally strong armed innocent and already damaged families into vaccinations. I am seriously struggling with the FACT that we are all ok with the Government FORCING us to take a medical procedure, regardless of who says how efficacious or safe it may be. We are FREE to CHOOSE in this country, well we were. I pray that someone reading this post takes a different perspective and look at what I am about to share in a different light.

One of my cousins decided to not vaccinate her children. She began her research journey after one of her girlfriend’s two children were vaccine damaged. One of her girlfriend’s son’s has severe autism and is physically abusive and requires intensive and multiple school therapies. She stopped vaccinating them both after immediate and recognized damages and regression. Her children were both damaged and then protected by the law that allowed religious exemptions. Until June 13th, 2019. The day medical tyranny was committed and our first amendment rights to the freedom of religion were revoked. My cousin explained that this single mother of two severely disabled boys, will be forced to bring her ALREADY vaccine damaged son to the doctor on Friday to have 9, NINE VACCINES injected. Oh and btw, the child requires sedation to be vaccinated, so there is now that added toxicity in to this overloaded child to begin with. I questioned who in their right mind would overload anyone with NINE vaccines in a day, and was told the Doctor told the mother that it is perfectly safe. WHHHHHHAAAAAT?????

As if hearing this disturbing news wasn’t enough alone, my cousin proceeded to share with me that her husband wants to have both of their children vaccinated, because their daughter receives support services at school that will be cut off. Basically cave to the unconstitutional forcing of 69 vaccines into each of her children. I begged her to stand strong and empowered on her education and knowledge and most of all INTUITION.

Wether you believe in vaccinations or you do not, this is WRONG. People should NEVER be backed into a corner by the very establishment that has been created by our own doing. STAND UP for yourselves. STAND UP for your rights. And just in case you’re worried you will be alone, look closer because I will be standing right with you.

“I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees”- Gracchus Babeuf

Much love and respect.

xo-e

I write this entry with a rekindled fire in my gut. It has been a while since I posted my last entry. Between my insane work life at the moment and vacation, I stepped away from my computer. Today that changes. I am re-engaging because this blog is absolute therapy for me.

The reason for the title, is that I have literally been fueled by close people in my life as well as a perfect stranger, to keep going. Keep sharing, keep empowering, and keep educating. I have received immense support and encourgement from my close girlfriends, my sister and this morning a perfect stranger.

I abandoned social media in the sense of my social needs, and created an Instagram account specifically for my blog. I have been introduced to a wealth of resources, people of all walks, and a world that has been foreign to me for too long. I follow Robert Kennedy, Jr’s IG page. He is an incredible man, whom has dedicated his life to speaking justice and truth. I recently commented on a post on his thread, which led someone reading the comments to look into my profile. I received the most beautiful message from this person this morning. I wanted to share the beginning of the message, because this is truly a major reason I am doing EXACTLY what I am doing.

” good morning, I would first like to tell you how much I respect you from just reading some of the things you have written in your website. It’s good to know that some people can see through the smokescreen and think for themselves. I respect you for being transparent and sharing your personal life stories and beliefs.”

WHAAAAAT?? I was blown away and so honored! We began chatting about how we will navigate our new forced normal, and spoke of keeping in touch as we stand on the same ground and remain united. There is strength in knowledge and numbers. Game on my new ally. Thank you for starting my day with a charge.

I also want to recognize and thank my sister and two of my close girlfriends for feigning for my next blog post. Here we go gals! Buckle up peeps, I have been saturating myself in knowledge and have so much more truth to share.

Much love and respect.

xo- e

I loved this song back in college. My girlfriends and I played this as a pre-game song before we headed out to the bars. We swore we sounded as good as Alanis. I knew all the words back then, but didn’t have a lot of life experiences to be able to personally relate. I still remember every word, it’s only now at 45 years old that I can identify a personal connection. Those lyrics, “Isn’t it ironic” have never been more true for me than right now.

I have always loved the 4th of July. Primarily because of the incredible celebration my hometown has always hosted. I have only missed a handful of 4th’s at home and have yet to find a better place to celebrate. The college in the town provides an incredible fireworks show and hosts a block party that attracts people from towns that are 30 miles away. There is an incredible Farmer’s Market on the village green, filled with various foods and craft vendors. My favorite tradition is the parade. My whole family has marched in the parade in some fashion throughout the years so it holds many warm memories. It’s pretty much a “Norman Rockwell” type setting, its charming and home.

I traveled home again this year to introduce my now adult, step-kids to the whole shebang. They enjoyed the 21+ block party and got a kick out of the parade. It was another great year celebrating our countries freedom from tyranny. Let’s just say that this year I was a phony, I was a hypocrite. I enjoyed participating in all the shenanigans with my friends and family, but not for one second did I feel free from tyranny. It was my first Independence day that I felt shame and disappointment in being an American.

I, we, are NOT free from tyranny. If anything our “freedoms” are being cherry picked away right before our eyes and no one seems to care. I am shocked that more people cannot see the bigger picture through the blatant censorship within Amazon, Facebook, etc, and the continued chipping away of EVERYONE’s first amendment right. It should not matter if the subject concerns vaccines, religion, LGBTQ, freedom is freedom. The idea that the Government wants to control medical decisions for people is terrifying. We have allowed too much control already and we certainly are not benefiting from it, we’re paying for it, with our health and for some, their lives. There has never been better proof on the results of what our government has done when it comes to concern with public health. We see clearly what the government has done with our food system- we lead the world in obesity, heart disease and diabetes. We can clearly see what our government has done with our health care system- even with consuming 80% of the world’s medications, we lead the world with illness, disease and death. We are not getting healthier, we are getting sicker by the day. We are jumping behind the government who is forcing vaccinations on people to prevent diseases that once were deadly, but now have mild recovery processes. Instead, we choose to ignore the FACT that the fluoride that we once thought was beneficial, is actually a neurotoxin. A known neurotoxin, yet we still promote it as beneficial, and add it to the water we drink, the toothpaste we brush with and cleaning supplies(??). We know that aluminum is also a neurotoxin and carcinogen. Its linked to Alzheimers, breast cancer, kidney disease and bone disease in children. The FDA allows aluminum in cosmetics, food additives, medications, vaccines, and water, and deems them “generally safe”. (Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR). 2008. Toxicological profile for Aluminum. Atlanta, GA: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service.)

Isn’t it ironic, that amidst all the oppressive and tryannical desicions our government has and will continue to make, that I feel more free than ever? My government took away my child’s first amendment right, he is banned from receiving his right to a public education, and is forced to pave a new path for his education. Even with this “punishment” for not following laws that violate our religious beliefs, I have never felt more free. I am now free to create an education that fosters my child’s individual learning needs. I am free to expand on the limited/abbreviated true history that is taught in public school. I am free to implement the application of what is being taught into real life. I am free to teach him about what informed consent is, and to never just settle for what he is told.

I am free even through oppression because I choose the truth. No laws or punishment will cause me to yield. Freedom only comes from truth, not because we are told we are in songs or our constitution.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing, obsolete.”——Buckminster Fuller

Much love and respect.

Xo-e

Ok. I have asked this question to myself far too often in recent times. I have decided to actually list out some of the absolute craziest and crazy misinformed topics that are most disturbing as well as some eye raising topics. I think seeing it in writing may help others to get a grasp as well.

I listen to a morning talk show often when I’m driving. A couple weeks ago, the morning crew opened up the phone lines to get listeners “insight” surrounding the “massive” measles outbreak. The question, which was 100% serious was- “which is worse, having the measles or having herpes?” I of course busted out laughing at the insanity and thought they were joking. But they were not even close to joking. People called in repeatedly and all said they would rather have herpes than the measles, because the measles are “deadly”. I actually sat in my car to listen with hope that someone would call in, to not only say how insane this question is to begin with, but also HERPES?? Really? I listened to the DJ’s and every caller repeatedly say they would rather have herpes than measles.

I almost feel silly explaining why having herpes is “worse” than having the measles. The measles are transient and are treated with rest and fluids, and recovery is 7-10 days. Herpes is forever. It is a virus that we have no cure for, and can cause lifelong issues for someone. There is no true recovery from herpes.

So then there was this breaking news…

https://healthybuilds.com/mercks-ilum-health-solutions-will-invest-up-to-48-million-and-create-up-to-115-new-jobs-over-five-years-new-partnership-to-develop-state-of-the-art-research-program-and-platform-to-detect-treat-a/There just seem to be a lot of “coincidences” occurring. NY certainly has an agenda, I’m just sold that it comes at the sacrifice of it’s tax payers. NY Is desperately trying to improve its attraction to corporations through tax exemptions, and retaining the business in state. Is it a coincidence that private businesses in NYC pressured the state to remove religious exemptions just a week before they actually do? Is it a coincidence that Merck (the MMR manufacturer) came to NYS with the offer of 48m$ and 115 new jobs, a day before the law was passed? Is it a coincidence that 2 months ago, Cuomo intercepted the Rockland County ban on the unvaccinated as unconstitutional a month before he contradicted himself and blatantly violated the first amendment by removing religious exemptions? They may be all a giant coincidence for some, but for me, it’s just the writing on the wall that has always been there. I just choose to see it now.

It’s ok to believe in coincidences. It’s just not ok for ME. I personally, have experienced too many coincidences to believe that I that lucky.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

This blog entry runs deep for me. I have struggled with identifying with religion my whole life. It took me up until recently to recognize the true difference between faith and religion. It took me up until recently to not be afraid to share how my faith impacts my life and its outcomes.

My mom grew up in a strict Irish Roman Catholic family. My grandparents were immigrants from County Cork *(Up Cork!! 💚) and settled in Connecticut where my mom and aunt attended Catholic school their whole lives. My father grew up with parents that associated with being Protestant even though they never attended church or were religious in any manner. So when it came to having me, their first born, it was only natural to follow my mothers religious practices, bc she actually had them. I was christened in the Catholic Church and received my first communion. I remember being so annoyed that I had to skip recess on Wednesday’s bc we had to walk across the street to spend an hour with Sister Agnes. She was so mean. So mean. I don’t really remember much about religion class except I wasn’t alone, there were many of us that had to miss recess and all feared Sister Agnes.

It wasn’t much before the time I was to be confirmed that my parents decided to leave the Catholic Church. We began attending a small bible fellowship that met in the back of a nursery school. It was nothing like Mass. It didn’t have pews, you didn’t have confession, and people sat in a circle and played live music and spoke with each other. There was a pastor of course, but it was night and day from my life in the Catholic Church. My family finally settled on an amazing community church in a town just outside of where I grew up. I am actually attending tomorrow morning with my parents. I love this church. It’s love.

Ok, back to my journey. I may have mentioned once or twice before that I don’t do well in extremes. I like balance. This applies to faith and religion as well. Throughout my life, I have been exposed to a rainbow of religions and people in each ray. I have met some of the most extremely devout Catholics, that march against abortion, and send money to their church and it’s groups to stop abortion, yet there is no response to aborted fetal cells in vaccines. I have met some Ultra conservative Christians that have been so aggressive with their extreme view of what our role in god’s eyes is that I can understand why people get turned away from the true beauty of god and shows like the Handmaid Tale are created. I have met Christians that read the Bible repeatedly and can quote scripture better than anyone and tout what a virtuous life they lead, but when it comes to applying it, it’s blatantly lacking and everyone but them know it.

I have always maintained one thing my whole life. My faith. Not my religion. I have always had a belief in god. I can clearly remember at a very young age, maybe 5 or 6, and although I don’t remember where I was at the time, I do remember having this overwhelming feeling that god was real and that from that moment on, I would always believe in him. I have never truly felt completely connected to religion. There are different parts of religions that I love, but feel like I can incorporate those things I love into my own faith walk. As a Christian, I think my responsibility is to try and walk the walk. I don’t need to scream god’s goodness for people to hear it. I need to be god’s goodness in my behaviors and actions. Well, as close as humanly possible.

Favorite quote time!

“Insecurities are LOUD. Confidence is SILENT”

This is how I feel about religion and faith. Religion is that which is made from man, so it will always have errors. It’s called free will. Religion is LOUD. It is what wars are fought over. It is what first amendment rights are stripped out from under. It’s seen as a divider, not uniter.

Faith on the other hand is a personal walk with our creator. It is SILENT because it belongs to you, and doesn’t require approval from anyone else. Faith is what returns the light from dark. Faith is based on your truth. There is always growth from truth.

I don’t condemn religion or anyone who chooses to follow a specific religion. I just have never felt like I have found my true “religion” so instead of needing to be associated, I just focus on my faith, because at the end of the day, it’s all I can control.

I choose faith. It chooses me and it is well with my soul.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

* my maternal grandfather was from County Mayo and was a second generation immigrant..

I sent email requests out to my local Assemblywoman, Congressman and Senator for face to face meetings. I received an email back from my Congressman’s office that any concerns I had about religious rights and vaccines were state issues, and redirected me to my assembly and senate. I was surprised when I received the email from my Congressman himself. He responded to not one question or concern I spoke of in my original email. Instead he gave me a generic response to vaccines which had nothing to do with my questions at all. I responded with the email back to him, in response. I still have not been heard.

Dear Mr. Tonko,

I am both surprised and pleased with receiving your email. I had received an email response from Diana Bennett, which stated that my concerns were state issues, and since you are Congress, my concerns would be heard better with my Senator or representative.

I have indeed reached out to MaryBeth Walsh, and Kirsten Gillibrand as well.

I need to tell you Mr. Tonko, I am disappointed and slightly insulted that you would respond to MY concerns with what you have. You provided the “politically correct” mass answer to anyone who has concerns regarding vaccines. I however did not express my opinion on the safety or lack of safety with vaccines.

I never once mentioned a concern of mine being about the link of mental disabilities or anything physical damage from vaccines.

Much love and respect.

Xo-e

We have all heard of manifesting your own life. Some may even know what “manifest destiny” was in our history. But what does manifest even really mean? I only ask this because I have some amazing examples of what I have actually manifested throughout my life, but realizing it took until now.

manifestation

A manifestation is the public display of emotion or feeling, or something theoretical made real.

Here goes. Growing up, I was always “big”. My father is a huge man, 6’4 and a solid Swed over all. My mom is of normal stature, shorter than I, but normal by our American standards.

Let’s just say, I was created with my fathers genes for physical build and my mother’s genes for personality traits. Growing up, this was the woooooorst!! There were 3 other gals in my grade that also had the gift of height. We towered above the boys in our grade and some even above us. I hated being tall. When I had an X-ray of my growth plate at 12 and the doctor told me I had stopped growing, I literally screamed with excitement.

I had a physics teacher in high school. Everyone had a love hate relationship with him because he was arrogant and dismissive, yet he was able to redeem himself somehow. When presenting his example of balance in class, he decided to create a visual for the class.

He instructed the class to imagine me, a 6ft, big boned gal, sitting on one side of a see-saw. He then told the class to imagine one of my girlfriends who happened to weigh about 75# soaking wet and stood just at 5′, on the other end of the see saw. Before he could even finish, the class burst out laughing at the obvious issue at hand. I remember dying a little bit that day. I will never forget that feeling of insecurity, so much so that it helped me to manifest my own life.

From that day on, I can clearly remember specific memories that involve where I was physically, who I was with at those moments, and sometimes even remembering a smell- that when I grew up and had kids, that I was going to be one of those “freak people” that loses weight after having kids, and that since I was burdened with being “big” for life, that there had to be a trade off at some point.

I was never an obese adolescent or young adult, but I felt like I was. I carried so much low self esteem, self doubt and insecurities throughout my life, that when I got pregnant, I started to realize that all of my conscious memories of insecurities were fading.

I actually really did become the freak of nature. I struggled my whole life trying to find balance with my weight and height distribution. After having my son, I have never struggled to keep or lose the weight (weights really!) that burdened me for so many years.

I have told this story to so many of my friends. Every time if leaves my mouth, I am humbled and a little perplexed. How did I know when I was so young and so insecure that I would defy the burdens I carried? Was I able to actually manifest it for myself? Was it that I have always had a life plan and this was the course? Was I psychic? (I would love to tap into that brain/energy connection…)

I still don’t know the correct answer. It’s probably a little of everything. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that god happens to be that reason. I am able to look back at what have been some of the most devastating and self loathing moments, and celebrate them. I celebrate the short term pains that I felt in my younger years for the long term pay off of happiness.

It is well with my soul. I am forever grateful for those short term pains that allowed me to manifest my journey to the ultimate end goal of peace, happiness and love. Here I am, and here I will remain.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

This is one of the most incredible lines of proof that the human body is a self healing unit.

Placebo effect: Also called the placebo response. A remarkable phenomenon in which a placebo — a fake treatment, an inactive substance like sugar, distilled water, or saline solution — can sometimes improve a patient’s condition simply because the person has the expectation that it will be helpful. Expectation to plays a potent role in the placebo effect. The more a person believes they are going to benefit from a treatment, the more likely it is that they will experience a benefit. (https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=31481)

In my career, I have always felt that the idea of placebo effect is looked upon as more of a “yeah, sure you felt better from a sugar pill” than “Yowsa’s the body is healing because it’s telling itself it can”.

What an incredible concept that is overlooked by so many, everyday. Your body feels better simply because your brain tells it to. Well, hello there Quantum!!! Welcome back!

There is this incredible documentary on Netflix called “Heal”. I have watched it multiple times and continue to learn more every time I watch. It’s incredible. It’s real. It’s healing.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e