The Underground Momma

Hands down, my most frequently used and favorite quote. I say this to myself or someone else at least 3 times a day, EVERY day. (thank you, Karen Walker aka Anastasia Beaverhausen, you’re my fave)

I usually am saying this in response to someone as we laugh about something that was said that was so ridiculous in nature that we both ended up laughing about it, which is where I follow with ‘its funny cause it’s true”….

As I text this out, I am realizing that my last entry called “I am just kidding” is just a much more passive aggressive version of saying, “it’s funny cause its true”. Both reflect similar intentions however, kidding can leave casualties (hurt feelings) but Karen Walker”ing” the answer brings laughs (all while acknowledging the truth!)

I always knew she was my favorite on Will and Grace for a reason!

much love and respect.

xo -e

Really? Are you just kidding? I gotta get this one out. I have had so many moments recently where I have thought this response in my head when kidding gets carried away. I have said I’m just kidding and had it said back to me. And every single time it has happened I have thought, “are you, though”? Myself especially.

When I take accountability for my own words, I realize that I’m not really kidding at all, I’m really telling the truth in disguise. So when the person responds defensively, I can fall back on, I’m just kidding. Which is supposed to somehow negate what I really meant so they don’t feel badly. If this is the case for anyone who is throwing down with me, there doesn’t need to be clarification, I am totally cool with it. I prefer to know what someone really thinks because I then know how to communicate more effectively for myself and be totally cool with each other. It seems too enabling of insecurities and I’m trying to shed my insecurities as quickly as possible. Insecurities are fueled through fear, and I think we all know how I feel about fear. Bye Felicia!

I love banter and busting chops, it’s hilarious. If and when it comes time to throw down, “Im just kidding”, I’m good, that you’re most likely telling the truth in disguise as well. I can totally take it and won’t get defensive. I plan on being more conscious to not get to the point of saying I’m kidding to anyone without ever, EVER losing my hilarity and banter skills.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

“ the deadly measles disease”…. sounds pretty scary. I have read and listened to this over and over again with this recent focus on forced vaccinations. I get so frustrated every single time. I’m not frustrated that people truly believe they are helping the public and who they deem uneducated about the need for vaccines by continuing to “teach” people about the danger of deadly diseases. I respect their drive to educate.

SCREEEECH! How about we empower people to understand the difference between infection and disease and how and where measles fits in.

-A common misconception is that infection is synonymous with disease. Bacterial opportunists and commensals, which are constitutents of the normal flora on mucosal and body surfaces, are ubiquitous infections that usually cause disease only when their hosts are immunosuppressed (Dubos et al., 1965; Savage, 1971).

-Infection serves the closest way through which the microorganisms can cause disease and gradually when this infection starts weakening the immune system, and harm the body for a long or short term is called disease. In general, people get confused with these words and use interchangeably. But these terms are totally different in their meaning and applicability, though they share the same passage and reasons of occurrence. Disease depends on the kind and place of occurrence of infection in the body. In the given article we discussed the disease and infections distinctively and came to the conclusion that these words are though interconnected but are different from each other. Also if proper care is taken of the body or at the initial stage of the infection, it will prevent the pathogens to further spread, thus blocking the escalation of disease.“ (https://biodifferences.com/difference-between-infection-and-disease.html#ComparisonChart)

There is no specific treatment for measles. If there are no complications, the doctor will recommend rest and plenty of fluids to prevent dehydration.(https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/37135.php)

Symptoms usually go away within 7 to 10 days.

Abstract

Although immunocompromised children are unlikely to have optimal immune responses to vaccines, some will benefit from immunization. They should receive inactivated vaccines that are routinely recommended for immunocompetent children plus pneumococcal and influenza immunizations. Live viral and bacterial vaccines are contraindicated with the exception of MMR. It may be given to children infected with HIV who do not have severe immunosuppression. The timing of immunizations is generally the same for immunocompromised and normal children. However, the MMR schedule in children infected with HIV is accelerated, with 2 doses given 1 month apart. Susceptible children whose immunosuppression is related to a temporary condition should be vaccinated after immune dysfunction has resolved. The question of revacination for children infected with HIV who are receiving effective antiretroviral therapy is under investigation, but no specific recommendations are currently available. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/10483594/)

Two doses of MMR vaccine are about 97% effective at preventing measles; one dose is about 93% effective.Jun 13, 2019 (https://www.cdc.gov/measles/vaccination.html)

I like perspective. I like clarity.

Measles can be deadly in the immunocompromised.

Measles has no specific treatment outside of rest and fluids.

Immunocompromised patients should not receive live vaccines per the CDC. (Rubin L, Levin M, Ljungman P, et al. 2013 IDSA clinical practice guideline for vaccination of the immunocompromised host. Clin Infect Dis. 2014;58(3):e44-100. DOI: 10.1093/cid/cit684)

Immunocompromised patients receive the MMR vaccine (which is live).

The efficacy rate of one measles vaccine is 93% and after 2 vaccines, efficacy is 97%.

This is where I cant join in on the hysteria. 97% of immunocompromised patients and otherwise healthy patients are “immune” to measles if they have been vaccinated.

How is a platform of instilling fear into the people about contracting a deadly disease, with no real treatment except rest and fluids, that 97% of vaccinated immunocompromised patients are immune against, be a public health crisis or threat? I am the woooorst at math and have never loved it, but there is nothing deadly or scary in those numbers.

Researching these facts behind the numbers has been the driving force with me in gaining a rational and more defined view of our current state of panic.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I have thrown this quote out a couple times when chatting with others about leadership and empowerment. I am not sure if I read a version of this on a Pinterest inspirational board, or if I created my own version. Either way, it seems to make sense to me about people and living life.

“all boats rise with the tide”. The tides of everyday life come in and go out on regardless of our attempts to control them. Sometimes they are rough and scary and other times calm and peaceful. Everyone has to rise and fall with the waves of life, and we all start drowning at some point. I have been drowning more times than I want to share. I have made repeated poor decisions, I have intentionally said things to hurt someone, I have cheated, I have lied, Lets just say, I own a rainbow of sins. Some the same as others and many I own alone.

When I look back on all of my learning opportunities or mistakes or “failures”, all I see is that somehow I bounced back. I immediately go back to something my mother said to all of us from birth. “Pick yourself up by your boots straps and keep on walking”. Most of the time it is so much easier said than done. Yet that advice has rung in my head every single time I trip or fall in life. It’s either that or curl up and be defeated. And well, that’s just never gonna happen.

I love when I get to watch other people implement this saying in their own lives. They trip or fall, but pick themselves back up and keep on going and are stronger for it. I have had the honor of watching so many of my girlfriends do exactly this in their own divorces. Watching someone you love who is hurting and in despair, reclaim their power and create a new normal, is one of the most incredible feelings to know that you reminded them of who they were so they could grow, because all boats rise with the tide.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I love quoting movies. I think there even may be some sort of “sub-culture” of people who also speak in movie and tv quotes. We understand each other, laugh and nod to acknowledge not only that we know it, but love it too. It becomes just a normal part of conversation.

“I want it now, daddy” comes from one of my favorites, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Good old Veruca Salt. What an awesome and appropriate name. The name Veruca actually means vivacious, strong willed. Uhh, She nails that.

Her bratty entitlement in the movie reminds me of real life. We want everything right now, or yesterday. We want an immediate fix to any and everything, because we feel entitled on some level. We need it faster, better and and end goal of always trying to be number one.

I’m not becoming unglued and that all these wants are not beneficial. I LOVE driving my car that is smooth and faaasssst. I dream of the day that I get to upgrade the the even smoother and faster model with the letters RS. That’s my Veruca wish. I love the benefit I receive from technology. I always upgrade my phone to the better version. I am Veruca all day.

I just don’t want to be Veruca anymore. I am turned off by entitlement. In my experience entitlement usually leads to a casualty of some kind. It just hasn’t ever truly made me happy, because I just kept wanting more. I was never ever satiated.

My career in sales has been driven by a Veruca mentality. It’s all about getting what you want at the end of the day. For me sales and life are kind of parallels. I am getting paid to get what I want. My job is to try and convince people that what I have is what they want. Here’s my life parallel now. In my life, I always have an end goal, what I want. It could be trying to convince someone that the knowledge and information that I possess is greater than theirs, by having a debate. It could be telling an expecting mother what a horrific journey they have with childbirth, the terrible twos, potty training and of course no sleep. Here’s my disconnect. How do we expect to get what we want from someone, if we are not seeking out what their wants are as well.

I decided that I would create my new Veruca. I have figured out how to always get what I want. Just not in the entitled way. It actually is pretty simple when I actually speak it.

I set my want. I determine the path that I predict to be the way to my want. When obstacles arise in my path, I fall back to change agility. I reasses how to get around this obstacle. The obstacle may be more difficult to navigate around and take longer than we would like (ahem), but I know the short term pain is worth the long term payoff. So I continue to pivot and change around to bob and weave my way to my end goal.

It’s a win win. I don’t leave any casualties and I get what I want. I have too many examples to list as to why I ended up here, but here I am.

My end goal is raising MY child to never be willfully ignorant, to never settle for the norm, to get what he wants through coping with change, and to live his best life with respect, love, kindness and faith. Next obstacle to overcome- school. GAME ON.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I have grown up with parents that remain married and are heading towards their Golden 50th together in just a few more years. They have weathered through life’s storms and obstacles and remain united partners today.

I have always felt a sense of security that my parents stayed married. Why? Was it that it I have always been programmed that divorce ruins kids and you’re supposed to stay married for the “kids”. Was it a sense of security to me that staying married meant everything was gonna be alright? Maybe. And then again maybe not.

Obviously there will be life events that can only be understood until we are faced with dealing with them ourselves. I vividly remember the empty, yet extremely heavy feeling in my body when I told people that I was getting divorced. The fear of being a disappointment, the fear of being seen as a failure or just not trying hard enough. I remember being asked, “well what about your son, how is this fair to him?” Or “kids of divorced families are broken”….

If there is one thing about me that has never waivered in any situation, it is that if I don’t understand the “norm” or the ultimatum, I will question it and reject it until I have found the answer that actually makes sense, regardless of wether it is the “norm”. I would rather feel comfortable with my decisions than get approval from society.

I guess I am not a big fan of being told, “this is just the way it is” when 99% of the time, it really ISN’T just the way it is, at all. This applies EVERYWHERE. It doesn’t matter if it’s vaccines, divorce, drugs, or careers. I have never accepted the “only way” until I have explored if there are other ways or not. It’s my stubborn free will, my choice, and informed consent.

So, when it came time to end the road of what was our own marriage insanity to focus on raising our son, I knew I would never be satisfied with just the norm. I knew that a battle over retirement or houses or money was never going to be an option, because all of those things can be taken in an instant. Then where would we be? Refocusing our insanity on those losses and yet still, the only true casualty would be our son. I felt that if we kept our end goal of NOT ruining our kids life we could pave our own road. So that is exactly what we did. We had many heated discussions and many painful discussions. We had moments where our fears (irrational) overtook our end goal. We verbally attacked each other and spoke words that could never be taken back. Let’s just say, we threw some INSANE Whatevers at each other. It wasn’t all glorious and easy by any means. BUT- as the saying goes, “time heals all wounds”. Time did indeed heal the ego wounds that we had inflicted on each other. Time did heal the lack of trust between each other, time did heal the fracture of our precious and ridiculously frail ego’s.

So, when I speak to people who feel like they are failures because they divorced, my head always cocks to the side in a “what you talking ‘bout, Willis” fashion. WHO says YOU failed? We only have failed if we constantly fall back to seeking the “norm”. Behind every huge success, there have been ten fold of “failures”.

Words are only words until we give them power. ”Failure” is not a negative word to me, it’s what you choose not to learn from it, that’s negative in my world. No one walks in your shoes but you. Their definition of success and failure is based on their experiences and opinions.

I have chosen to “walk the line and tip toe over it softly”. I choose to pave my road on my learning experiences and not failures. I will not longer allow myself to project others versions of being a failure become my own. I’ll walk and tip toe that line for life.

I cannot settle for the consensus. I will always seek another road. I have chosen to follow the consensus much of my life and I can not think of one time it has helped me truly grow. My growth has only come when I stopped trying to be the norm. It can be lonely and scary and dark, and it was. Loneliness, fear and darkness are all the absence of something. Truth love and light. Which we all know, always prevails in the end.

We are not failures. We are humans that have been given free will. We have been given a choice to make. I choose to learn from my failures so as to never repeat them again. Or at least try to…

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I have come to realize that I cannot be angry or disgusted with the apathy epidemic in our country, because up until last week, I was part of it. Unfortunately it takes something to impact our lives so deeply, to recognize that. So here we are.

Similar to swearing, the word whatever entered my dialect as natural as breathing. Full accountability time- I always knew how dismissive “whatever” was on every level and had mastered the appropriate whatever timing. I consciously dismissed people and situations regularly when I was done. I know how many times my intention was dismissive and self righteous and holy lord. Am I ever sorry to every single person I have “whatevered”.

My new normal has given me a Crazy sense of accountability. Not because I feel obligated to, because I actually really want to. It spans across every aspect of my life. I see now that “whatevering” my whatevers, was only adding to the very thing I am complaining about.

So, my personal goal is to let whatever die in the past. It’s time for me to stop living my own version of insanity. I am the only one who has been an obstacle in my path. So today one more obstacle gets removed. RIP WHATEVER.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I have been told that I came out of the womb talking. As a child I would talk to anyone and everything. I was given the nickname “LW, or last word” by my father at a young age.

I have clear memories of stomping up the stairs arguing with either one or both of my parents and literally as I beat down on my finally step, I would shout down one last comment to shut down the argument. Even with my new found name, it took me a long time to realize that LW, wasn’t such a great thing.

I share this as background for understanding my personal need to “talk”. Anytime I have faced a personal crisis, I have ALWAYS needed to process it through talking. My mom suggested to me from an early age to start a journal, or a prayer journal or something that gave me this outlet. I have bought more beautiful and ornate journals with every intent to write it all out, but never had the strong draw to continue it. So as of 2019, I probably have a dozen expensive and almost empty journals. I have never thrown them out bc of the 2-3 pages in each of them. I know, it’s ridiculous.

It wasn’t until 6/13/19 that I finally found my new way of journaling and purging. Enter my new alias, and blog, the underground momma. I am writing this entry after an overwhelming amount of support and feedback from people who have indulged me by reading.

I keep going back to this feeling I have had over and over again. I feel FREE. I feel like this blog has given me the outlet that I need to release what has been brewing in my head for 45 years. I have never been ashamed of my decisions, I just never felt the need to advertise them. With the new normal I have been forced to create, I decided that I can no longer be silent about who I am, what I truly believe, and how I think.

It’s mind blowing to me at what an insanely large network I have. Numerous professional contacts, layers of friends in different aspects of life, family and friends of family. There have only been a few to know the real me, but now I NEED everyone to know the real me. I will never be the same after 6/13/19, and I have never been more at peace and excited for that exact reason.

I feel like I have come out of my own kind of closet. The door to my world was opened under force, and that’s ok. It’s open now, and I am free.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

Uhhhhh. I have always struggled with this one. Don’t get me wrong, I have the GREATEST father in the world. I can not imagine growing up any differently. My Da has taught me so much, loved me unconditionally, helped to instill a sense of such beauty in a personal walk with faith, and most of all he taught me so much about grace (not physical, we know about that) and most of all forgiveness. He is truly one of my favorite people on this planet outside of being my Da.

This is where once again, my life path diverges from the norm. Even with all the beautiful character traits he was an example of, I never wanted to “marry” him. That has always grossed me out in some fashion 🤢 He was the first man in my life for a reason. He was there to provide me with an example of what a confident man looks like. He owned that. He showed me restraint, and patience and kindness, and forgiveness. Through his examples not just words. I have never forsaken these learnings and I am conscious to BE the example to my son, just like my Da.

When I met my partner in crime, my bestie, my sounding board, my true equilibrium, it was almost just a given that he had all the traits that my Da has. The thing is, he had so many more. I certainly mean no disrespect towards my Da, it’s just that his role was never to act as my partner. His role in my life was established and then maintained. Of course we always grow together, but my Da could never possibly fill the needs required in a marriage or relationship. So did I end up “marrying my dad”? Ummmm nope. Not one time. And I have a little experience here!!

My personal opinion is that because this expression is basically drilled into our heads as women from a young age, that this is what we do, or should do, we literally set ourselves up for failure! I know I certainly always thought about that when I was dating someone. If they did something that my dad wouldn’t do or treat someone, I am sure it impacted my view on them. Imagine an argument between your partner and yourself. Has the thought, “he’s the worst. He’s nothing like my father”, ever run through your head? Eeeeeeewie. What does your father have any business coming into an argument for? For me that’s just projecting and a crappy coping mechanism.

Is that even really living life for ourselves if we are constantly trying to replace or recreate someone else’s role? Maybe one day, but not anymore for this daughter.

For me, recognizing the role that our parents have and honoring that is where I end any desire to bring either of my parents into my marriage.

I am forever grateful to BOTH of my parents. They will never take credit for the deep roots of who I am, but all honor goes to them and god. They taught me how to fish so that I could eat for life. I may have chosen to “fish” in waters they not dare enter (more than once 😳) but I have always managed to circle back to my core fundamentals.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I usually screw up most “sayings”. Like the six and half dozen saying? Yeah, still can’t say that one right. I usually just say.. “six and the dozen thing”, people know what I’m talking about so I’m cool with it.

I could never truly appreciate the saying “it takes a village” until I needed one.

Looking back, I guess it has always taken a village. Wether you are raising children, or headed off to college, or suffering a loss. It’s our “village” that rallies around us. I have always truly been blessed with an incredible village, even when I didn’t know it.

After my son was born, I was lucky enough to have about 6 months off from work to be home. When it was time to return to work, I was again, lucky enough to have my sister, my bestest bestie in the world, whom also happens to be a teacher and a sty at home mom at the time, take the reigns and act as my co-momma. I was lucky enough to drive 2.2 miles around the corner, drop my son off to someone I trusted like I would myself, watch an incredible bond form between my son and sister, and have the next best thing to me staying home until he was a year old. I could not have been luckier.

Quick side note- I plan on covering the incredible bond between sisters in a late purge. It needs its own time.

When my son turned a year old, the need for a new co-momma was needed. My village continued to grow. I used care.com and was introduced to one of the most amazing women I have ever met. My second co-momma. She was a music therapist that had found herself in need of staying home to care for her now three children. At the time, my son was the only child she would be taking care of besides her own. When it came time to meet her fave to face, it was an instant connection. I knew immediately that she would love my son as close as she could to me. Fast forward 4 years, countless “sibling” like battles, the toddler sleepover of the century, quotable toddler quotes, boo boos, tears, TONS of drama, hugs so tight you couldn’t breathe, and the most precious friendships between ALL of her children, which included mine.

Our relationship ran so mutually and deeply, my sons picture was placed up on the wall, because that’s where the rest of her kids were!

I get to watch the reunion of the “littles” next week, as summer begins and my son returns to his roots, with his buddies and his other momma. I am forever grateful for the love and friendship that was forged from care.com.

I am proud that I have had people want to be part of my village. Every parent knows how hard this job is, so anyone willing to pitch in is welcome in my world.

Thank you to all of my co-momma’s. I only mentioned two, but there are more of you than I can list.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

BUT- usually whenever someone adds a but, there’s always a contingency, so that is fully intended here.

My son’s father and I separated/divorced when he was 2. It was something that we both knew needed to happen if we wanted our miracle to have a chance to survive. So from the time he was born we began discussions around how things would go living separately. We had been dating and living together for sometime and ran off to Vegas and got married, probably bc we had been together for so long, not necessarily bc we both felt we should. Lesson learned.

We both were in different places in our lives on every level, except one. Our son. We never expected to have children, so our miracle literally brought us to our knees. We had ultimate trust between each other when it can to how we wanted to raise our son, and EVERYTHING surrounding him.

My ex was always a “natural” with kids. He was a magnet, a “snow white”, in his own right. I loved watching him interact with my nephews and friends children. He was genuine and kind and right down on their level just being. I always felt bad that he would be robbed of his natural state with not being able to have kids. He never showed it.

So when our son came along, he was obviously shocked and overjoyed. They have always been extremely close, they looked like frick and frack up until recently, he had has his own mini-me. I love their relationship, I love how they gang up on me and have their inside jokes together. It literally warms my heart. It’s precious. It’s not forced, it’s beautiful.

It took tons and tons of communication, years actually, but we walked away from the past of fears and mistrusts, and created a new normal, built on a rock solid foundation of trust. For our child. We literally walked away from all of our “ego” hang ups, and united, separately to successfully raise our child.

I brag not for self boasting, but because I love the fact that we have defied the “norm”. We have done what everyone thinks they are trying to do in divorce, but we actually did, protect our child’s best interest at the sacrifice of our own.

Our son is thriving. Health wise? Emotionally, spiritually, socially, you name it. If you have met him or even just seen him in pictures, you already know what I’m talking about.

I barfed our this blog after receiving a picture from my ex. It was a picture of our son, spread out in the back of his dads Jeep, with the biggest smile on his face. It screams pure joy. Daddy was taking him to his first drive in. I love that I was included in on the first. I appreciate that my ex takes the time to share the moments with me. I reciprocate just as much. Because in the end, it’s about watching our son grow, not us (even though we have grown more than we could ever share).

Amicable divorce is possible. Our son is living proof. And so are we.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I was out to dinner tonight with mine and my girlfriends hubs. (is that even proper English? 😬) I was reminded of something that I wanted to add to my list of demands for my services.

I have always been hilarious. Well, I think I am, and my sister thinks I am. Hilarious to the point that we have our own hilarious club, that we are the presidents of and pretty much sole members, besides my son. He comes by it naturally (of course) and has his own insanely awesome sense of humor. It’s only fitting he join. Our exclusive club! I love to laugh more than anything and apparently am pretty dramatic when I do. I have come to accept the fact that I snort, loudly when I laugh, I toss my head back and and laugh loudly, I cover my face to try and stop myself from snorting (loudly) with no avail…you get the picture. I don’t care. Laughing is the best release for me so I go all in.

Anyhoo, because I am so animated I often have people comment on how loud I am, or my snort, or my hands in the air. People will imitate me and I think that this may be one of my favorite comedy sketches ever. Watching how people interpret me and my shenanigans literally makes me pee my pants I laugh so hard.

Soooooooo, to make it legit. After my viking funeral, I would really like any and everyone who has a good imitation of me to please come forward. This is your time to recognize my hilarity even in death. I seriously cannot wait to be on the other side peeing my pants laughing at all of you trying to keep up with this hot mess!

Impersonations means you have left a mark on someone. I am totally cool with a memorial service remembering those marks. Isn’t that what life is all about??

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I will admit it, I LOVE swearing. It is more common for me to blend swear words into my vocabulary than not. It’s just who I am.

My father started “bleeping” me many moons ago, because it was just part of my dialect. Personally, words are only words until they are given power or intent. In my eyes, when someone swears about something, it usually has a very different acceptance than when someone swears at someone. Intent is everything.

I have the physical grace of a bull in a china shop. I have none. I end up with random bruises on my thighs from running into the corners of tables, cracked my funny bone on the door corner of my car too many times to share, bc it’s embarrassing that I continue to do this. I have burned my forehead so many times with a curling iron, I have small white scars along the top of my forehead. So net-net, I swear A LOT.

It’s just part of me. When I am in new social situations, I often wait to hear someone drop an F bomb, and recoil in embarrassment. These are my people. People who recognize that not everyone appreciates the release swearing can give, and are courteous to that. I always immediately jump in with a sigh of relief that we are gonna get along just fine.

I have actually surprised myself at how I have so easily spewed my feelings without swearing in my blog. I know that my mom is one of my two devout followers of my blog, so she will certainly be psyched! Let me tell you why.

Here comes good old EI. Emotional Intelligence.

Outside of my faith, EI has been the greatest gift to me with developing and maintaining sustainable relationships. It is the reason I have chosen not to swear in my blog. Although most of what I post is just small clips of my personal life, which coexists with my swears, some of the things I have and will continue to share, deserve the respect that they are not jokes or to be taken lightly. They are not topics that I will inject my verbal shenanigans into. They are serious issues and deserve both the promotional and receptive respect.

All of you that choose to read or follow these posts deserve the respect as well. Intention is everything. My intent is to share my truth, my intent is to be respectful of extremely controversial issues, my intent is always centered from a place of love.

You will catch me throwing down some “hum dingers” when I burn my forehead, AGAIN. You may catch me singing a little Ludacris when Stuck behind someone driving in the passing lane, but you will never see me slip up in this environment. Thank you Emotional Intelligence.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I was sent a copy of this letter this morning from my cousin that lays down the science concerning the objection people have with fetal cell presence in 10 of the mandated vaccines we are being bullied into as a norm.

https://www.soundchoice.org/open-letter-to-legislators/

I support your freedom of choice. Information such as this article allows people informed consent.

It is your free will to read this side of science and fact. It is ultimately your choice to believe the science on each side of the matter. It is your choice on accepting another vaccine. I support your right to choose.

We still live in a free society protected by our constitution. We are entitled to our opinions and choices regardless of what someone else’s opinion is. FREEDOM. CHOICE. INFORMED CONSENT. FREE WILL. It’s yours, mine and ours.

Educate and empower people. Don’t be part of the FEAR world, there is a reason fear is used at every turn, it’s oppressive and prevents growth.

If this letter speaks to you as something relevant, please share it.

The truth really does set you free.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I had a partially burst appendix when I was younger. I know that is kind of random to start with when the topic is becoming a momma, but it’s relevant to my journey.

Up until I was 38 years old, I was never able to get pregnant. I’m not sure that I ever even really tried, with mapping ovulation or taking temperatures. It just never happened. So after heading to my OB for my annual exam, I had told her that I was having a lot of abdominal discomfort. After an ultrasound, she noted that I had an extremely large cyst that would need to be removed. A routine cyst removal, of you will. Laparoscopic surgery, In and out, no big deal.

Well, it turns out that nothing was routine when I had my surgery. After her laproscopic incision, she immediately noted the massive amount of scar tissue and adhesions that had engulfed both of my ovaries and Fallopian tubes. The appendix burst was apparently the culprit for the damage reaped upon my reproductive organs. She woke me up from surgery and explained what she had found and that I would need a laparotomy instead. So basically a c-section, but without the baby. She mentioned that the risks included were that if my ovaries were compromised they may need to be removed. I obviously was nervous about losing the very organs that make me female and all the glory that goes along with that. But I didn’t know any other way, so she sent me back to the OR and went to work.

After waking up, I was told that my left ovary and Fallopian tube were basically strangled by adhesions and scar tissue and she needed to remove them. She began to explain that she was able to salvage my right ovary, although it too was covered with scar tissue. She explained that she was able to clean it up as much as possible so as not to have to remove that as well. However, she said the scar tissue will most likely return and the chances of ever having kids were very slim.

I have always been a firm believer of “everything happens for a reason”, so I truly just let go of if the idea of ever having kids and tried to just be happy that I had 2 amazing nephews that I loved like they were my own and a couple Great Danes that were like kids anyway.

Time passed and I was introduced to Arbonne. (Www.arbonne.com)

Arbonne gave me the opportunity to detox my body and diet through their 30 day detox program. I ended up losing almost 30 pounds and never felt better. I had also fell madly in love with yoga and practiced 5days a week.

I clearly remember attending a New Year’s Eve Kirtan music and yoga class. As I prepared for my practice in child’s pose, I can vividly remember feeling like I went into a trance with the beautiful kirtan drums playing and my breathing. It was the most peaceful and calm feeling I can recall. It probably only lasted a couple seconds, but it was pure bliss.

It also turned out to be the night my son arrived as a merging of cells. I found of that my own little miracle was coming on February 3, 2013. I will never forget, it was when the lights went out in the Superdome in Nola. It had to have been 9 at night when I took what was to be the first positive test of 8.

I remember the instant positive pregnancy test and holding it out as proof. I was in complete shock and elation and then shock. I ran to the drugstore and bought every single pregnancy test they had to offer. I wanted to make sure those stinkin lot numbers and expirations were good to go. Minus screwing up a couple of the tests, they all read positive.

The next 9 months were literally some of the best in my life. I LOVED being pregnant. I gained 24 pounds, had the most amazing belly bump that I would accentuate with bows when I worked. Absolutely zero problems other than being considered a geriatric pregnancy 🙄 I was almost 40 so that automatically means high risk.

I’m not sure my words will ever truly describe how I felt when I found out. I have made some ridiculously stupid decisions in my life, and for some reason, I felt like god had given me redemption with this child. I literally felt like he was giving me my own miracle. What did I ever do to deserve this blessing? This indescribable gratitude that I felt for my creator did not allow any room for second guesses on this divine perfection. I knew immediately that if I were to ever foresake what I believe to be a perfect creation from my creator through second guessing his perfectly designed little human by administering vaccines would be like my version of giving god a flip flop face slap. I knew then, I WOULD NEVER allow his immune system to be driven by anything but natural immunity. So I prepared by educating myself on how to honor the immune system through diet and lifestyle.

My little wingman miracle is going to be six in September. His given name means “full of goodness”. Anyone who has had the true privilege of meeting him, knows he completely lives up to his name. He is the most kind, empathetic, loving, friendly, respectful and HILARIOUS little boy I could have the privilege of being mommy to.

He and I have sung “Humble and Kind” since he was born. It will forever be his song, as he already exhibits all the traits Tim McGraw so beautifully sings about.

What a gift, what a miracle. What a wingman I have.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

This blog entry may be one of the most important that I actually write. I have always joked about how I want to write my own eulogy and the set up for my funeral. Well, im not joking anymore. Now that I have my little therapeutic purging tool, I am gonna lay it all out there, so brace yourself.

First, there need to be some ground rules for whatever services are conducted for me. Seeing that I would like a Viking Funeral, I don’t have the exact details surrounding calling hours…. yet.

OH, just in case a Viking Funeral is new concept, it involves taking the deceased person, building a raft of kindling and branches, placing the deceased on the top, setting them out to sea, and then as the raft floats away, there is an Archer on the land that lights an arrow on fire, and shoots it directly on to the raft. Which then ignites and voila! Viking Funeral.

WHAT? I love Braveheart and think it would be cool to have a different way to be sent off. I like to do things differently, and sometimes difficultly…

Besides the Viking Funeral, I would like some other things that are total MUSTS.

There must be clear direction to anyone who wishes to attend my services, that there will not be any crappy funeral flowers allowed. These include the the standards such as, CARNATIONS, white, yellow, or any kind of Lily, Palm frawns, or gladiolus. I’m pretty sure they used to use Lily’s to cover the smell of death. If someone were to want to send flowers, send Ranunculus and cabbage roses, peonies, hydrangeas, poppy’s or dahlias. Then the nursing homes or churches that receive them actually have some stunning flowers to enjoy.

Since music is such an enormous part of my life, there are a few songs that I insist be played.

1- Amazing Grace, Dropkick Murphy’s. (listen to it, its awesome)

2- It is Well (Live), Bethel Music and Kristene DiMarco

3- Dog Days are over, Florence & the Machine (it has clapping in it, how can you not be happy when you’re clapping? try it!!)

4- whatever Biggie Smalls song is most appropriate. I will give some freedom on this one, but biggie must be represented.

I would prefer that people limit the crying, and try to laugh more. I know it will be crushing to not have my hilarity around, so instead of crying, try and get some laughs going, for me. Im in a better place after my body stops working anyway. I’ll be laughing right along with you.

I feel a sense of relief now that I have actually written this down. I have seriously told pretty much everyone within my inner circle of my wishes and we all laugh, but this makes it legit. Sorry Mom. It must be done. Now, I will need to find someone worthy of shooting the flaming arrow. Where are my archers at?

much love and respect.

xo -e

I just will not be apathetic.

I just will not live in fear.

I just will not treat people who have different beliefs with disrespect.

I just will not settle.

I just will not love with any conditions.

I just will not allow conflict to dictate an outcome.

I just will not hold a grudge.

I just will not enable insecurities.

I just will not be afraid to be exactly who I am.

I just will not be ashamed of my faith.

I just will not EVER buy carnations. EVER.

I just will not stop learning.

What I will always do (or always try to do) is to act as a mirror to people and always reflect he beauty I see.

I will always remind myself and others that we are enough. Just as is.

I will always be grateful to the people who take on tasks that I could or would not.

I will always remind my kid(s) what incredible light their souls bring to this earth and to never let anything dim that gift.

I will always be a beacon of safety, love and truth.

I will always love unconditionally.

I will always practice Emotional Intelligence.

I will always honor my faith before anything.

I will always bring humor into every situation I possible can.

I will always haunt you if carnations are ever sent to my funeral.

I will end this now.

Much love and respect.

(And I’m not kidding about the carnations)

Xo -e

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am psychotically passionate about educating people about the impact that GMO’s have in our food and ultimately on our bodies.

A GMO, or genetically modified organism, is a plant, animal, microorganism or other organism whose genetic makeup has been modified in a laboratory using genetic engineering or transgenic technology. This creates combinations of plant, animal, bacterial and virus genes that do not occur in nature or through traditional crossbreeding methods (nongmoproject.org)

I have attached this link so you can further your knowledge. https://www.nongmoproject.org/gmo-facts/what-is-gmo/

I learned about GMO’s around 15 years ago from who else, my brother. I started researching Monsanto and the sorted history behind the company itself. Monsanto, now known as Bayer (which everyone knows as safe, it’s the maker of aspirin!) The name change discussion will come later on, back to the OM, original Monsanto.

The world’s largest seed company, was also the creator of PCB’s, DDT, dioxin, aaaand the infamous Agent Orange- the defoliant and chemical weapon (this was what was sprayed all over American and Vietnamese soldiers during the Vietnam war) saccharin, aspartame, and the glorious weed killer, Round Up (glyphosate).

Side note- our male veterans have suffered more aggressive forms of prostate cancer directly linked to the use of agent orange during the Vietnam war. I know this personally as well, as my father, an Army veteran was diagnosed with directly connected prostate cancer. Side, side note- my dad is alive and healthy, with no cancer. https://www.publichealth.va.gov/exposures/agentorange/conditions/prostate_cancer.asp

Ok, now that you have been brought to school on the AMAZING chemicals Monsanto has brought us, let’s talk about how they apply to our food.

Good old Round Up. Used by millions with hopes to kill those pesty dandelions and crab grass. It works and it works fast. Why? Because it literally burns the weed to death within hours and voila! No more weeds. Nice looking lawns, but at what cost? The same chemical that burns your weeds, is also genetically engineered into the DNA of 90% of the seeds that are used for the food in our country. The majority of the world has banned Round Up and importing GMO crops, which mainly come from the US. The link I shared above shows the crops that are Round up ready seeds, which ultimately end up in our foods. YUM.

The “hippie” organic crowd had it right for a reason. Knowing where and how your food is grown is paramount. Having all of this knowledge pre-kids was immensely helpful when it came to food knowledge and meals for my son. He has been raised on grass fed beef, organic fruits and veggies, and both non-gmo and high fructose corn syrup (hcfs) free snack foods only. HCFS will be a blog entry of its own. Not because it deserves recognition for being awesome, but because it is one of the core factors that has lead to our nations TRUE public health crisis, Diabetes.

I will probably stop here for now. There is so much more information to be shared surrounding the education behind GMO’s. I love connecting with other “March Against Monsanto” comrades, so if you are one of those people or want to join in, please give a shout out and let me know!

You have the right to know what’s being put in your food. You have the right to object and make an informed decision. It’s worth paying attention to.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e

I have decided for the first time in my life to voluntarily interact or communicate with a politician. I have never been fond of politics in general, as the parties positions have always baffled me, and besides, I don’t really like to be associated with either side. I always seem to find something that both parties stand on, it’s just my need for balance. I know that there are so many people that are loyal to a party even if they don’t agree with the decision their preferred party makes. That’s just not my wheelhouse, I don’t dwell there.

So, outside of voting regularly in elections, I withdrawal from debates and discussions that involve politics. But not today. I contacted both my Senator and Congressman for a face to face meeting. Who knows if this will ever happen, or if it will make a difference in the long run, but as long as I have the right to have my voice heard, I’m taking it.

I have so many questions that deserve answers. I want to know why the families of the children who have been excommunicated from ANY school in NYS, being forced to take injections that violate personal faith and religious belief, or walk away with no options. Why should we have to pay taxes to a school that won’t let our children attend? Our choice has been eliminated.

I want to know what the state is going to do about the massive number of parents that will have to leave their job and income in order to stay home and provide their children an education.

I want to know how at the end of the day, how it is my body, my choice when it comes to any other medical procedure, but not with informed consent and vaccines.

I want to know WHY congress passed a law giving any and every Vaccine Manufacturer, complete immunity from any legal retaliation with vaccine damage.

I want to know why the tax dollars of citizens of this country are responsible for paying into VAERS, the only resource for families to seek financial compensation for proven vaccine damages.

If you pray, say some prayers for me please. I’m not worried about conducting myself with grace and emotional intelligence, I just need prayers that I actually get the opportunity to meet with my elected officials,

I am forced to pay taxes.

I am forced to follow the laws the elected officials that “represent” me have passed.

I have a voice and I have a vote. I’m using them both.

Much love and respect.

Xo-e

My youngest sibling is my brother. He is six years younger than I. He was the sweetest and cutest, spit curl haired little boy around. He was curious and from a really young age, we knew he was different. His brain looked at things differently than mine or our sisters did. He was like a mini Mcguyver. He was always inventing things, there were never band aids in the house bc they covered all of his toys that he had taken apart and put back together. From booby traps in his room, so his meddling older sisters couldn’t snoop, a door knob that would shock you if you tried to enter his room without consent, pulley systems strung throughout his room so he could turn on a tv or the lights without getting out of bed. His brain was incredible then, and has only become more fine tuned.

My brother has been one of the most influential people in helping me find my own truth. He has always been a proactive seeker of knowledge through researching both sides to the story. This fair balanced approach to learning is something that requires diligence and perseverance bc unfortunately there is limited access to both sides. There have been so many controversies and divisive events that have occurred in recent years that sometimes the ideas are so overwhelming, it’s just easier to recoil and watch and wait. I have always been more prone to that mentality but not my brother. He was the person who took me down the fascinating world of Quantum Physics. My mind has forever since been blown away. Understanding the basis of Quantum, not only let’s you feel like you could run with some of the “Big Bang Theory” cast, but in real life it is extremely insightful to how we interact with each other.

I shall spare you my description of what Quantum represents and share a link that breaks it all down, instead. This was how I was introduced and it has left a permanent mark on my brain. Watch this short video and make your own decision. https://youtu.be/1qQUFvufXp4

To see how negative and positive energy (vibrations) impact water plus the fact that our bodies are made of up 60% water, how does this video make you feel? We all know, words that are spoken can never be taken back.

Understanding the result of constant negativity upon ourselves and our bodies, helps to build a foundation of education for each of us on just exactly how negative and positive energy changes who we are, from the Quantum level.

I am obviously no Quantum Physicist, and am only providing just a glimpse of how Quantum operates, but for me, Emoto’s water experiments were enough to spark a flame of change in how I project and interact with myself and others.

Maybe, someone out there too will see this as I have and apply it as I have.

Many thanks and much love to my ever insightful and kind brother for opening my eyes to new ways of looking at life. Love you brud brud.

Happy Hump day everyone. Much love to all.

Xo -e