Manifest your destiny…

We have all heard of manifesting your own life. Some may even know what “manifest destiny” was in our history. But what does manifest even really mean? I only ask this because I have some amazing examples of what I have actually manifested throughout my life, but realizing it took until now.

manifestation

A manifestation is the public display of emotion or feeling, or something theoretical made real.

Here goes. Growing up, I was always “big”. My father is a huge man, 6’4 and a solid Swed over all. My mom is of normal stature, shorter than I, but normal by our American standards.

Let’s just say, I was created with my fathers genes for physical build and my mother’s genes for personality traits. Growing up, this was the woooooorst!! There were 3 other gals in my grade that also had the gift of height. We towered above the boys in our grade and some even above us. I hated being tall. When I had an X-ray of my growth plate at 12 and the doctor told me I had stopped growing, I literally screamed with excitement.

I had a physics teacher in high school. Everyone had a love hate relationship with him because he was arrogant and dismissive, yet he was able to redeem himself somehow. When presenting his example of balance in class, he decided to create a visual for the class.

He instructed the class to imagine me, a 6ft, big boned gal, sitting on one side of a see-saw. He then told the class to imagine one of my girlfriends who happened to weigh about 75# soaking wet and stood just at 5′, on the other end of the see saw. Before he could even finish, the class burst out laughing at the obvious issue at hand. I remember dying a little bit that day. I will never forget that feeling of insecurity, so much so that it helped me to manifest my own life.

From that day on, I can clearly remember specific memories that involve where I was physically, who I was with at those moments, and sometimes even remembering a smell- that when I grew up and had kids, that I was going to be one of those “freak people” that loses weight after having kids, and that since I was burdened with being “big” for life, that there had to be a trade off at some point.

I was never an obese adolescent or young adult, but I felt like I was. I carried so much low self esteem, self doubt and insecurities throughout my life, that when I got pregnant, I started to realize that all of my conscious memories of insecurities were fading.

I actually really did become the freak of nature. I struggled my whole life trying to find balance with my weight and height distribution. After having my son, I have never struggled to keep or lose the weight (weights really!) that burdened me for so many years.

I have told this story to so many of my friends. Every time if leaves my mouth, I am humbled and a little perplexed. How did I know when I was so young and so insecure that I would defy the burdens I carried? Was I able to actually manifest it for myself? Was it that I have always had a life plan and this was the course? Was I psychic? (I would love to tap into that brain/energy connection…)

I still don’t know the correct answer. It’s probably a little of everything. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that god happens to be that reason. I am able to look back at what have been some of the most devastating and self loathing moments, and celebrate them. I celebrate the short term pains that I felt in my younger years for the long term pay off of happiness.

It is well with my soul. I am forever grateful for those short term pains that allowed me to manifest my journey to the ultimate end goal of peace, happiness and love. Here I am, and here I will remain.

Much love and respect.

Xo -e