Whoa Nelly….

I needed to gather my composure to be able to write this blog entry. My better half and I made the trip down to Washington Park tonight for a candlelight prayer vigil on the eve of the Preliminary hearing in the morning. I plan on attaching a picture of the vigil although it will do no justice to the overwhelming feeling of being united in person.

I had only learned of the vigil earlier today and am usually not an attendee at these types of events. However, the second I saw this posted, I knew I would be there. It wasn’t even an option to not attend. I had so much excitement built up with hopes to network and meet other families impacted by this law. We arrived a few minutes early, a benefit brought only because of my better half! There were probably only around 60-70 people at that time and as dusk closed in, more and more and more people showed up. Children circled around passing out candles and pamphlets to follow. There was this beautiful sense of peace, everyone there was there with the same purpose and it was truly just absent of ego. I watched families pour in from all over the state, many with children whom have been vaccine damaged. I spoke with a family from Long Island that spoke of their younger son whom was VAERS certified autistic and has and IEP. He spoke of the services his son received not being available and how even the Superintendent of his school has been personally impacted by this law with his own children. I watched as adult children living with autism, self stimulated, and tried to be present with their families. I watched parents, grandparents and children of all walks of life come together. It was overwhelmingly beautiful.

I am starting to feel the ugly cry come on as I type. I cannot begin to describe the visceral reaction it gave me to be there. I had Hollywood like tears falling from my eyes that I had zero control over. I tried to keep myself composed, and failed miserably. I sobbed at the sight of now what had become easily 150 people standing united together. I sobbed at the thought that all of these different walks of have been impacted so heavily and just cast out of society. I sobbed at the idea that our country has been divided and misled so deeply that our human connection is numb. I sobbed that we are at a point in our country that we have to sue our own state to be able to have a choice. I know I must have been a spectacle to see standing in what is supposed to be a moment of peace and prayer. My tears were pure and uncontrollable. Conviction is so much more powerful than fear. I continue to find more and more conviction every single day. It comes through seeing how truth impacts my personal life, my girlfriend’s storms, and whenever a wrong has been made right.

All I can tell you is that I cannot and will not EVER stop. The tears will continue to flow, they release the poisons of the past and clear my eyes for the beauty of the future. I am ever so grateful to be vulnerable, and even more grateful to not fear being vulnerable. It changed my life.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control of the outcome.” – Brene Brown

Here here, Brene. Prayers up for the freedom of choice to stand for the residents of NYS tomorrow. Prayers up for the beautiful and Innocent children that have been so ignorantly discriminated against. Prayers up that the insanity starts to end tomorrow. Prayers up that my convictions (aka tears) can take a back burner so I can be composed in the courtroom. Prayers up that accountability is shown tomorrow.

So much love and respect.

Xo-e