“I walk the line”…

Picture it, the year was 2005, I had just come back from the most insanely amazing all expense paid trips to Nevis and Paris. I was at the top of my game in Pharma sales. My partner’s and I had crushed our numbers and reached the number one status in the county, and at the time the world. We were repeatedly honored with lavish hotel stays, a private dinner and tour of Museum D’Orsay in Paris, and basically royal treatment for our hard work. My name was up on the wall of my company’s building honoring my hard work (all world champions were listed). It was AWESOME. I know I can tell you that I felt unstoppable. The bragging rights, the clout, the respect, the honor, the swag, it was definitely the highlight of my career. I was on top of my game and my ego was HUGE.

I remember not long after my big year, my biggest nemesis in Pharma sales, retired from the industry. This man was a legend in Pharma sales in the Capital District. He had been in the industry so long that he knew the Physicians in the area when they were just residents, they “matured” together, if you will. He was the king of Pharma. Every office and provider knew him, he had back door access to offices that wouldn’t even allow reps to enter. He won trips so often that he almost got annoyed about having to go to the same place over and over again, you know, one of those pesky little first world problems. I both secretly and publicly longed for his retirement as he was my nemesis when it came to our product portfolio. He sold my product’s direct competition and was the biggest threat for me to continue my winning reign. When the day finally arrived, I think there was a cheer that could be heard in the rep world. The King was gone.

It was not long after his retirement that we learned of his true feelings about Pharma. He wrote a pretty scathing editorial in the local newspaper about his 30 year career in Pharmaceutical Sales and pretty much how shady it was/is. He spoke about specific practices that even he had even taken part of and condemned them. He “called out” numerous examples that he felt needed to be known by the public. He was leaving the industry, never to return, so it was his time to speak his truth. Well, at the time, anyone who was still on the insides of Pharma, lost their minds. I remember having numerous and heated discussions with other reps and even offices, calling him a traitor, a hypocrite, and writing him off as dead to us. We were disgusted and irate with his bold exit.

Well, guess what? Fast forward 15 years and I am following in my arch nemesis’s footsteps. I repeatedly and publicly condemned him for his betrayal, and now, I too face the same condemnation for speaking my truth. Call it karma, call it fair, either way, it’s all good with me. The reason I decided to write this blog entry was because of a comment that one of my friends (who is still in pharma sales) made regarding a post I shared. I immediately recognized my past self in his defensive words. He attempted to gently shame me for portraying Pharma in a negative fashion, which I had not done (at least not in that post). I realized that he was defending and shaming the same EXACT way I had done so many years ago. I tried to gently respond that he and I were speaking of two different beasts in that particular example, but none the less, there is a rift now. Actually, I am sure there is a rift with a number of my friends that are still inside the industry.

Please let me be very clear. I do NOT condemn or judge ANYONE who works in Pharma Sales. These are human beings and many whom I consider close friends, trying to earn a living like anyone else. This industry is massive, yet the sales circle runs small and almost incestuous in many odd ways. Although my buddies discontent with me was my first negative encounter with the aftermath of divorcing Pharma, it won’t be the last. I will NEVER be silenced as to my personal experiences, as they are MINE to share freely. I will not feel shamed for my visceral need to exit the career that once provided for me so well. I will always honor and respect my old colleagues and friends, as I recognize them as individuals, not as Pharma entities. The corruption fallout that we are experiencing has nothing to do with the foot soldiers in sales, that is bigger than any of the contacts I have in the industry.

As a country, we are divided enough. I understand that speaking my truth will not be welcomed by many, and that is ok. I have spent countless hours deciding how to purge my experiences and how to do so with as few consequences as possible. I can only promise two things, I will NEVER fear speaking my truth to and for anyone, and I will always recognize the human before the ego.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”-Ambrose Redmoon

so much love and respect. xo -e