Bring me to my knees…

Dang. I experienced something this week that completely caught me off guard and in result brought me to my metaphorical knees.

I have written before of some female friends of long that have recently become more present in my life. One of these incredible women texted me this week and I need to share it. This deserves to be addressed on many levels and I need to purge my thoughts. Below you will read the actual text. (I immediately informed her that I was going to need to blog about this, so she knew my intent).

Dear Erin,
I faithfully read your blog. I’m not on Facebook but understand you are contributing to the general public’s knowledge of pharmaceuticals. I appreciate so much the tremendous perspective and knowledge I have gained from you. I find myself in a quandary as I need these pharm companies now more than ever to keep me alive. I’ve been diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer again and chemo is my treatment to get the mass to shrink. My quandary… I hear and accept and appreciate your stance. I want to be brave enough to be that with you …I’m choosing to going forward with this treatment. I KNOW that you want me to make decisions that are good for me, because you are amazing, warm, open, and giving so it’s nothing to do with that. Simply that I embrace and believe the information you offer and cannot practice it. You know me all too well that when that happens for me I feel like a contradiction…yucky feeling! Any who my friend, I’m sharing my sucky news and my sucky quandary. I love you! I hope life is amazing still and you are cool with you!

DANG. I was sobbing by the middle of her text. I was sitting in a diner when her text arrived, I read the text and was at my ugly cry in 2 seconds flat. Obviously hearing her devastating news of an aggressive cancer was concerning and upsetting, but I read beyond that. Even though it is normal for us to go weeks at a time without talking, for some reason, I had been conscious of the longer time between our last connection with each other. I had wondered what had caught her up, but knew she would circle back. No biggie. Until her text. I sobbed for her diagnosis, but I wept because I could feel her hesitant energy to reach out to me.

First, how lucky am I to have a friend who overcame any fears or hesitancy to speak her truth?? I can only imagine how long she waited to be vulnerable for fear of my reaction to her treatment path. I get it, I am loud, literally and metaphorically. Even in close friendships that can be intimidating based on the decibels alone! When I blog or post about articles on Pharma, I am only speaking my truth. My intent is to educate and empower people by speaking and sharing the truth as I continue to uncover and learn it. I will never condemn or judge someone for choosing a path that is different than the one I choose. The freedom of choice is exactly what I advocate so fiercely to preserve.

What I can tell you is that now that I am in the know, it will be like trying to pry your tongue off a frozen pole, to get me to not embrace and uplift my beautiful friend. A bunch of other close friends and myself will gather together next week for a celebration of her transitions through the chemo journey. It is a summoning of the kindred souls to unite for agape love and some soul healing that we all can use. You can already palpate the united energy in our group text discussing plans, its awesome and I am so excited to shower her with all the synergistic love.

My incredibly beautiful friend. You know who you are. Thank you for trusting me as your friend to raise you up and support you unconditionally with the new normal you must carve out. My job will continue to always act as your mirror, reminding you every step of the way, of the incredible soul that you are. Your goodness will radiate through any of the realities of chemo. You have always been a warrior, you will rise as you have before and we will be right by your side the whole time. I love you so very much and cherish our friendship of so long. xo

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness”- Brene Brown

so much love and respect. xo

-e